Disposable // A Carefree 39 shots

First shot in the roll - picking Jodie up from work hahahaha

As many of you might not know, I have this tendency to go wild shooting portraits for 2-3 months before burnout hits me and I suddenly have zero motivation to shoot and whatnot. But honestly, I don't know if it's truly burnout or it's because shooting portraits have started to feel more like work than for fun. The choosing of outfits, locations, and planning of themes, concepts, and mood boards have sort of killed it for me. Instead of having fun, I'm getting stressed out instead.

So for Christmas 2018, my workplace had this gift exchange called 'White Elephant'. Don't ask me why the name sounds racist, I wasn't the one who invented it alright. But basically, we just put all the presents bought on the table anonymously and go in a randomised order to pick these presents. My friend, Sean, told me to pick his. He said out of everyone, I would appreciate his present the most. And so I did. Boy, did I have no regrets. It was a Fujifilm disposable camera. 

To many, a disposable camera might not seem much. One might view it as a bad camera, since you have absolutely zero control over the settings. But I think, that's exactly what I needed. It was a gift that allowed me to finally have fun again with photography just like when I first started. There was no need to stress over settings, or stress over any concepts. It allowed me to snap whatever I wished to in the moment. Whatever I deemed beautiful or aesthetic. So I started snapping away at my friends, nothing planned. Just very spontaneous moments of "hey, can I take a photo of you real quick?" and me laughing afterwards. There is no way of checking these photos, and I think that's what makes it less stressful and more fun for me. It's a carefree 39 shots worth of snapping.

Partner in crime at Chug

Thank you for all the snacks Ewan

Guys look, it's my very hardworking boss, Xinde, packing pastas

Dude's been cooking us pastas and eggs every time I work, thanks~

Nehe posing while on the phone

Austin washing them dishes

I have no idea what we were thinking but here, have a fork

Using the disposable camera really got me thinking though, when exactly did photography stop being "fun" for me? Was it the moment I got too geeky and serious about it and bought a camera? Or was it when I started taking portraits? Because I remember how when all I had was my iPhone 5s, and I was just walking around snapping the most random of things because they simply looked aesthetic to me. I guess I still do, when I see amazing light. I just sort of take out my iPhone 7 and take a few shots. 

Photography for me was about spontaneous moments, about beautiful fleeting moments, about people that mattered to me. And I guess I forgot that as I was chasing after a more serious form of photography that wasn't "me". 

But the true "revelation" moment was probably when I was sending Jodie home the other day, and we were just standing at the corridor, admiring the view. The golden hour was cast onto these HDB buildings, and it truly was a magnificent view. I couldn't help but take out my phone to capture the view in front of me, and as I was snapping away, it made me realise the fun I was having. And it was fun I haven't had in years, to be perfectly honest. 

Sunlight was beautiful

Turning head to the side for more feels

Feels is real in this shot 

View of Braddell at the 30th floor

View of Braddell, this time with a girl in it

I had been so busy chasing after recognition, chasing after the perfect street photos, chasing after unique portraits, chasing after my own "style", that I had forgotten what it was like to simply enjoy the process of taking photos. I had forgotten how all of these even started. As have many others, in this Instagram dominant world. 

But it's not like I would stop taking portraits entirely after discovering this, no. I will still take portraits from time to time, it's not that I don't enjoy it at all. But I'd probably stick to more relaxed kind of shoots, or shoot when I have a really nice idea I wish to execute. It's more of, I am going to indulge in my random snapping again like I did in 2014. Maybe get myself more disposable cameras to shoot with. Because these are what I truly found / find fun in photography. 

From customer to friend - ms tummy

Thankful for all the food you have bought us, Tabs

This is what I mean by I chase beautiful light

Supporting Jodie's booth at EOY where I bought lots of keychains

I absolutely adore this outfit and would shoot it some day

A hard day at work demands a hug from the person that gives me the most comfort

"I need more radish damn it"

Out for a shoot at East Coast with Eva

Drinking ice milo at Burger King 

This is really unglam but it was captured by Jodie... 

My... Valentine's? I am kidding, Chug was selling flowers and Jodie likes flowers

So I bought her a bouquet

Disappointing fluffy pancakes sadly

Little girl wanted to ride on the kiddy ride so badly

Did not think this shot through but oh wells 

Max here stealing the other Sean's Boost juice

Best cafe we've been to so far

Good coffee, good dessert, good pork don. 5/7

Impromptu photoshoot that followed after, because I wanted to finish my disposable

Of spiral staircases and a beautiful dress

"This dress has pockets"

Here is me, chasing beautiful light once again

Really love this shot though?!?!

I. Love. Good. Light.

Are we advertising for cafes now? 

Of Cinematic Photos and Impromptu Photoshoots

At some point along my portraits journey, I felt like these weren't the kind of photos I wanted to take. I started wondering, just what exactly am I taking? Like sure, they are definitely "nice" photos, but as Marie Kondo would say, they do not spark joy for me. As a result, burn out comes fairly quickly. Because at some point, it started to feel like work to me. But this would be elaborated in my other post, "Disposable".

Anyway, apart from fleeting moments, I thoroughly enjoy cinematic looking photos. Photos where they look like they were screenshots from a short film. Photos that can tell you a story. I planned out a cinematic shoot once, titled after Gnash's famous song, "i hate u, i love u". The story was basically how this girl is conflicted between her feelings of hate and love for the guy who has cheated on her. Sort of. It was a very amateurish attempt, but it remains to be my personal favourite shoot. 

So while it took some time for me to realise this, I know which direction I'm meant to head towards. But of course, I am no story writer. I can't churn out stories at the snap of my fingers. So there is absolutely no way that I'll be able to come up with tons of elaborate series like "i hate u, i love u" unless I'm very inspired by certain songs.

I knew the direction I had to take, but I was still lost. Then on a fateful day while I was hanging out with my matcha buddy, Naomi, we happened to talk about this topic. And she suggested that I could just recreate impactful or intimate moments in my life into photos. This way, it keeps the daily life aspect that I love, while providing a story for my cinematic desires. Truly, a lightbulb moment. And for that I say, thank you Naomi. 

(Of course, there will be plenty of shots taken simply for the aesthetic. My photos won't always have a story behind it, but I'll try to incorporate as much story as I can.)

I used to sit at benches below my house to cry before going home

What I used to do while waiting for my ex in school

Staring at my phone, waiting for your text

Model for the cover photo and top two: Jodie Seraphina
Model for the last photo: Naomi Huth

Context for photos:

I was in Ngee Ann Poly with Jodie to look at my sister's exhibition, when I came across a pretty garden with a swing. We were on our way to dinner, but I dragged Jodie with me to that garden just so I could experiment with cinematic photography. 

//

We were at Hvala just drinking matcha lattes, catching up on life, and talking about my direction for photography. Naomi told me to give it a try inside Hvala, since it looked so aesthetic. So I said, why not, I have a model right in front of me right. And without hesitation, we just took some photos. 

a much needed update in life (again)

Hey, it's your friendly writer, Sean a.k.a dustyrobe again. Here to just put down a lot of the reflections that I've been doing over the past weeks. Some of it would feel familiar, for I have posted them on my Instagram stories. Let's get this rolling shall we?

As some of you who have been reading my blog might know, I recently broke up. I didn't really touch on it much in my previous blog post, so only a few friends know the full details. I'm not really here to talk about it either, it's more of what I've learnt. Society has in a way made it seem like being single is a relatively bad thing. That you have to be in a relationship to be considered successful in life. But what society doesn't tell you is how liberating it is to finally be single again after being in a relationship. What society doesn't tell you is that dating is not all sunshine and rainbows, it comes with a whole lot of problems and stresses that you will never be prepared for. From trust issues, to the arguments, to the dramas. It can get so suffocating, to the point where you feel like you just can't seem to do anything. And when you finally end it, your eyes are opened. How it has been so toxic, how your partner might have been emotionally abusing you, how you can finally breathe, how you can let yourself heal, and love yourself. 

And that's what people don't tell you. They just tell you how nice it is to be in a relationship, to be loved by someone else. I'm here to tell you otherwise. I don't deny that being in a relationship can feel amazing, provided you are dating the right person. But, being single has it's perks too. That feeling when you are free to talk to anyone, or hang out with whoever you wish to, with no one stopping you or trying to start an argument with you for that. How peaceful your life can be when there are no constant arguments, and dramas. Or the fact that your life can be so stress free when you do not have to report to your partner about your whereabouts 24/7. Society is so quick to downplay all of these. You might tell me that all of these come with being in a relationship, but let me tell you honey, it shouldn't have to. If you're in a proper relationship, where both of you trust each other, there shouldn't be a need for all these. You'd only inform them things out of respect, and not be demanded to tell them every tiny detail. There's a difference. 

We just think about how nice it is to be in a relationship, how we crave to be loved, that we forget the importance of loving ourselves. There are a lot of things in life that we overlook just because of this wish to be in a relationship. Enjoying a simple dinner with your family, or even a reunion dinner with the extended family. Laughing over the dumbest things with your friends, doing retarded things with your best friends. Pursuing what it is you enjoy, with no one to hold you back. Or you know, even just being yourself without being told to change. Don't forsake all of these just because you wish to be in a relationship. If there is one thing I've learnt, there is no rush in this. Appreciate what you have going in life, and wait for the right person. Sure, it does get lonely. We want someone to come home to, to give us a hug or a kiss. Someone to cuddle with through the night. But don't let your physical needs get you into unnecessary trouble. Don't let it stop you from healing yourself, or from indulging in self love. 

Well, moving on. 

Now, this one is more for myself. But let's get this one started. 

If you've known me from 2014 to 2016, you might have known that the me then was pretty concerning. It was a me that had no sense of self, if you might. Back then, my relationship was pretty much my everything. I made my girlfriend then my only priority. There was no number two, not even myself. So I guess you can sort of imagined how it was when the relationship ended, I was left there stranded, with an unimaginably huge void to fill. How do I even fill a void that big? I didn't even know where to start, but I had to start somewhere. And so, began my journey to find myself. Following the advice from my best friend, Randell (given to me at a McDonald's in Clementi), I started off with my hobby, which was photography. Back then I was only ever interested in taking photos, and not so much of writing. I started to take more photos, I took part in instameets, and I delved into portraiture like I always wanted to. But that wasn't enough to make up my sense of self obviously, my hobby was just a small part of me. If you've been following this blog, you'd have noticed the massive amounts of reflections I do. It's these reflections that have helped me figure who I truly am. I will spare you the details. 

So let's fast forward to 2018 where I can finally say I've found my identity. Apart from my hobbies (photography and writing), apart from knowing my likes and dislikes, I've accepted my depression, my trauma, and my anxiety attacks as part of me. Now you might be thinking, who actually accepts those as part of their sense of self? I do, because some of these might never leave me, and accepting that is the first step in finding myself. I've accepted my various personalities, every last one of them. How I am with my family, how introverted I can be in new environments, how crazy I can be with my close friends, how different I am throughout different groups of friends, and of course how I am when I'm alone. Each and every personality is a part of me, and I will not deny any of them. 

Even things like my bad puns, my quirks, the way I laugh, my inability to stop myself from dancing whenever really good music comes on, and many more little things make up who I am as a person. My beliefs, my morals (or lack thereof), and my values. They contribute to this sense of self, and how I act as a person, how I act as me. 

Lastly, but also most importantly, it's my name. The name that my parents gifted me with. Truthfully, for the longest time, I wanted a different name. I wanted something that sounded cooler, and 'Dusty' was really a name I came to like being called. I would put that as my name in my bios, when I ordered drinks from Starbucks, and whatnot. But, I'm Sean. And after 22 years, I've come to be proud of this name my parents gave me. I really am. (Oh, let me sidetrack a bit because I have a little something to share that is related to this. If you remember, I posted a summarised version of this on my story a while back. And Jodie, being the gem she is, decided to carve a stamp / chop with my name on it. She explained that it was because of my story that she decided on using my name. I swear to god, I almost cried when I heard it that night. And I'll admit, my heart skipped a beat.)

So yes, I spent close to two years just to study myself, to learn about myself, as if I just met me. And after two years, I can finally say that I've found myself, my sense of self, my identity. This is me. No more masks, no more pretence. Just me being 100% real and raw.

Cheers,

Sean

2019 resolutions

"What are your goals for 2019?"
"What are your new year resolutions?"

These are the two questions that I've been asked repeatedly the past few weeks, and I'm sure many of you have been asked too.

It's not easy trying to think of something, to be honest. I haven't had any in years. So I was challenged to come up with something.

Took me a while, but I did come up with something for myself. I want to overcome my trauma, and fully recover from my anxiety attacks whenever I go to Braddell and Toa Payoh. To a lot of people, it might sound retarded. But it's a real and serious issue for me. My body reacts on it's own whenever I'm there. So I'm hoping it will one day get better in 2019. It's a stretch to be honest, but I want to try.

Of course, the logical follow up resolution after the previous one would be to heal completely. Many of you should know that I've got tons of scars from my previous relationships. And until I'm fully healed, I might never be able to date again. I used to think that I will never be able to heal from my first relationship, but lately, I'm starting to believe that it's possible. More possible than ever at least. Because I've managed to achieve closure last year. So hopefully, I'd be able to heal up some scars now that one wound is closed. It's definitely not going to be easy, but having come to terms with so much things have certainly made it a possible task. 

And I think that's basically it. You know what they say, you should never try to set too many goals. I think having two meaningful ones is good enough for me this year. 

As 2018 comes to an end

Merry Christmas y'all. Well, it's still Christmas as I'm typing this, though I'm sure it's no longer Christmas by the time this goes up.

How has 2018 been for all of you? I think it's been pretty much a roller coaster for me honestly. And if you've been reading most of the stuffs I post here, you pretty much know most of the important things that's been going on in my life. 

But of course, as always, it's a tradition for me to sum my year up. First things first, I think the most important milestone this year has to be my ORD. Which is to say, I'm done with national service. Finally. Secondly, I broke up again. That would make it my second failed relationship. But it's not like it was as bad as the first, it was just suffocating, and I guess my feelings kinda died along the way. So the break up isn't exactly a bad thing that happened in my life this year, it's a good thing (sort of) to me.

Next up, is the INSANE amount of people I've worked with this year. And the amount of people I've gotten to know. 2018 was a year of opportunities, and I took those opportunities. It might not seem like a lot... but these are the people I worked with from September to the end of November. I'm just really thankful that all of them even agreed to work with me like what (???!!!) My skills were really very mediocre when I started shooting again, the hiatus really made me rusty. But I think with that hiatus, came a different perspective and a different edit. And it was this edit that allowed me to work with so many talented models. 
Also, I really wish to thank the photographers below for the chance to learn from them and the way they shoot. They offered really different perspectives which helped me to grow as a photographer. Some examples are Chenhan's Japanese style of photography, and Natalia's cling wrap tip which was immensely helpful!!!!

Models:
Lishan (@lishantheyogi)
Naomi Huth (@naomi_huth)
Xue Ning (@tainted_smiles_)
Nehemiah (@neheeee)
Terese (@tereseannepereira)
Shixuan (@_shixuanxuan)
Nadine (@nadineleannetan)
Katrina (@katstified)
Michelle (@michelle.emmanuelle)
Rachel Lee (@rachlsq)
Nicole Crampton (@nicolecrampton)
Beverly (@yobevo)
Jodie (@reina_jejuneness)
Rachel Wong (@rachwsj)
Hana (@danhana.library)
Juhi (@juhinars)
Charissa (@charissatung)

Photographers:
Kevin (@kaleidoscovin)
Chenhan (@chenhan_photography)
Ernest (@412.am)
Dillon (@dillon_photogs)
Natalia (@natalianaa)

Makeup Artist:
Suzana (@suzartistry)

But out of all these people, there's one person I really wish to thank. Which is Lishan. Because of her, I got to work with a make-up artist for the very first time. And it was an amazing experience. The shoot feels extremely different with a make-up artist around, different make-up, different hair-dos. The whole thing just had me in awe. But that's not all, Lishan was the first model I shot after my hiatus of about 9 months. And I'm grateful for how patient she was with me as I was stumbling through everything, unsure of my own aesthetics. It took me insanely long to find an edit that I liked as well for that set of photos as I hadn't edited much for the entire year. Also, I was looking for a job at the time and it was Lishan that introduced me to Chug Chug where I've been working part time at since September.

Chug Chug is one of my highlights of the year, I guess. And although it's really tiring, it's a place where I really have lots of fun to be honest. My colleagues are as good as friends at this point, and some of the regular customers have become friends. (Right Tabitha and Xin Xuan?) I didn't think I'd have so much fun working, but here I am. Laughing every time I work. It's truly amazing. I have 2 bosses who care about me, and for that I'm touched and thankful. And I really owe it all to Lishan who introduced me to this job. 

Before I continue, I just want to say that my motivation to shoot just comes in this huge burst or spurt. It dies off in two to three months, which is why I cram as many shoots as I can while I still have the motivation. And right now, that motivation has faded once again. As it did last December. But I'm glad I've got to work with so many amazing people this time. When I look back at it all, I'm just shocked. Sure, there are a few familiar names, but most of them agreed to work with me upon my DM. And I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. 

2018 has also been a year of friends. It's a year where I've met up more frequently with my secondary school friends, it's a year where I've made a ton of new friends, it's a year where I've found really good friends from army. While I went to Korea last December with Yi Hong and Jordan, this year we went to Kuala Lumpur along with Harvest and Dominic. It was a pretty wholesome trip filled with lots of food but ended up with all of us getting food poisoning. 

Sometimes, I do wonder if friendships still last... But then I look at these bunch of idiots that I've known since I was 13 and I guess... yeah they do last. 

And speaking of friends, I made a really close friend in the most unexpected place. Jodie was one of the people I asked to shoot with, coz I just wanted to try shooting a cosplayer. She was from my course in poly, and she readily agreed to it. Out of nostalgia, I picked our poly as the location for the shoot - Ngee Ann Poly. A bit of context, but we've probably only said less than 10 sentences to each other while we were still in school. Which is to say, we barely know each other. So yeah, off we went to shoot, and for the first time since I've known her since I was 17, we actually talked. We spent more time talking than actually shooting to be honest, because Ngee Ann wasn't as photogenic as I imagined it to be. Fast forward to later on that week, she came down to Chug Chug because she was feeling really down and from there our friendship started. 

In case nobody reading this knows, I haven't had a proper closure from my first relationship. It's been close to three years, and I've only recently just achieved my closure. It wouldn't have been possible without Jodie. I guess I never had someone who knew my first love but yet could remain a neutral party. I guess I never had someone who I could feel so comfortable talking about my first relationship with. So for the first time in three years, I finally broke down while talking about it. I finally came to terms with things I couldn't before. I finally achieved closure after three years. 

And of course, Jodie has been helping me a lot with my anxiety attacks and my depression. She's the first person to have been able to comfort me properly when my anxiety hits. My bros are definitely not the kind of people to be able to do that, and of course my ex couldn't either. If you haven't read my insta-stories, here's some information about my anxiety. It only occurs at 2 specific locations in Singapore because that's where my first love stays. Let's just say my attacks are really bad, it takes a lot just to calm me down. And Jodie does a really good job helping with it. Regarding my depression, my boss gave me a piece of advice. Which is to spend time with positive people and people who make me happy. I guess that's why you'll see me spending so much time with Jodie. She's a friend that really makes me laugh a lot, that really makes me happy. 

She's helped me in more ways than I can imagine, and impacted my life harder than most people in my life. And for these, I'm extremely thankful. That's why I put in even more effort to take care of her as a friend. She's done so much for me, that I think no matter what I do, it just isn't enough to repay her. 

I'm aware it gives people the wrong impression as a result. Everyone thinks we're dating or that there is something going on, even when there's none. I'm aware that people will eventually point out the laws of attraction to me. That when you spend a lot of time with a person you will eventually fall for that person. But if you ask what my honest opinion is, I would never date Jodie. Simply for the fact that she is too good for me. I'm much too horrible of a person. And we both know it would never work out, which is how we stay so platonic. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm really thankful to have such a friend in my life. And I know that there are some of you out there who thinks we should date (like you, Max), y'all can continue shipping us if y'all really want to. The plan is to get married if we can't find anyone before I die at 40 anyway. Just to make my family happy coz they all love her (especially my grandma). But if not, I doubt you'd ever see us dating. 

This sort of sums up my 2018 I suppose. It's been a weird year. 
A year of friends, a year of opportunities, a year of closure, a year of self-love, a year of healing. 

Cheers,
Sean

Market Vibes // with @tainted_smiles_

I've always had this idea in my head. The idea of using markets as a backdrop for portraits. I first got the idea from VSCO, when they had this article of a fashion photographer going to Hong Kong to take some portraits. The photographer wanted to capture the essence of Hong Kong, and hence used their wet markets for some really aesthetically pleasing portraits. I was so inspired by it, that for years, I kept thinking about it. It's hard to find the right model for the shoot too, so it wasn't the easiest thing to do. When I first came across Xue Ning's profile (@tainted_smiles_) last year around October (?), I thought she was the perfect person for it. So I slid into her DMs, and asked her if she wanted to collaborate for a shoot. But at the time, she wanted to do something with flowers and so we did. Fast forward to a few days back, and I finally got a chance to materialise my wish of shooting in a market. 

And honestly, those are some of my favourite photos to date. I've always wondered, what am I looking for in locations. I guess I just want them to contain a taste of what Singapore is. So I hope you like these photos as much as I do.

The Cat Cafe

It has always been a bucket list sort of thing for me to visit a cat cafe at least once in my life. I failed to go to any while I was in Korea (probably thrice) because they were either not ready yet, or we were too late. I actually had no idea that Singapore even has a cat cafe to be very honest. That was until a friend of mine told me about one of the few that is at Bugis. 

The Cat Cafe, located opposite Bugis Junction and above Burger King (next to Bugis Street), charges $15 per entry which includes a free drink. Now you're probably thinking that $15 is a tad too expensive, and I agree. But cat cafes are so scarce that it makes sense that it's expensive. The good thing on the other hand is that it's per entry, so you can stay at the cafe playing with cats for the whole day. From what I know, the other cat cafe charges per hour, so this is pretty worth it. 

There are more than 10 fuzzy cats in this cat cafe, so you can choose who you want to play with. And to assist you in the playing with cats, there are a bunch of toys to grab the cats' attention. They are all totally cool with you petting them so pet them as much as you please. 

Personal favourite from the cafe, it's so cute

But there's a slight problem, and that's the light. It's actually really hard to grab a decent photo of the cats coz they tend to stay in areas which the sunlight from the windows don't reach. And they are constantly moving (both their faces and their bodies), which makes it all the more difficult to snap any photos. As you can see, I could only grab a good photo of the lazy cat by the window who's always sleeping. 

Visiting The Cat Cafe actually made me want to own a cat myself, but I'm not financially stable to do so and neither am I free enough to own one. They might be super lazy animals, but the responsibility is still there when it comes to pets. So I'd probably wait out for a decade or two before I finally get a cat I can call my own. 

Will I keep visiting The Cat Cafe until then? No, I'm really broke right now and can't afford luxuries like that. But if you have the spare cash and you want to play with some cats, go ahead man. 

Cheers

@filmpalette Instameet

I recently had the opportunity to attend an Instameet organised by @filmpalette. Probably my first Instameet in months, can't remember the last one I'd been to. I've been so uninspired for so long to shoot, I figured this would be a great opportunity to get inspired. There were a couple of big names that would be attending, also since this was purely for portraits, I thought to myself that if this doesn't inspire me nothing would. 

And true enough, it did help me in some ways. Just by watching @paper.ends do her stuff, shooting the models, I learned so so much.

Now it's usually really hard to get any proper shots of models when you're at an Instameet, which was why I had to slap on my 50mm (75mm equivalent on my nifty crop sensor camera). I needed that extra zoom so as not to get other photographers in the frame. Sure, that limits my framing by a lot, but I didn't have that much of a choice. But on the bright side, more BOKEH! Another thing I had to do was be shameless and walk to the front (not something I really like to do but all for my shots). Managed to cover the rest of the photographers with my perky ass and asked Naomi to face my camera for the shot above, which I think is my best shot for the day.

Yes before you say anything, I know the compositions for the shots aren't exactly the best. But the sunlight was 11/10 that day, coming from in between the buildings. It was perfect for backlit shots, but the background wasn't very pretty. So I had to shoot wide open and bokeh-fy everything at the back. Not really how I like to do things, but just this time, I let myself indulge in some creamy bokeh goodness. 

I think the hard part came after the meet. The editing. I haven't edited photos in way too long, I didn't really know what to do. Especially the backlit shots. The harsh sunlight gave a flare of sorts, making editing tough for me. I have never shot any photos like that before after all. I decided to say screw it and go with a dreamy look for my photos. Even though the advice was to bump up contrast for shots like these. But I felt like I could make use of the sunlight better than just bumping up the contrast. So I went for a dreamy look. And hopefully it turned out well.

But well, overall I think it was a really productive meet. I managed to get some pretty decent shots even with so many photographers crowding around one model. So yea

Cheers?

Away

The longer I'm away from my camera, not using it, not out shooting, the more I lose the feel for it. Sure, it's a good thing to take a break occasionally, but sometimes it feels like I might end up quitting for good. Even if I know that's not gonna happen. Photography is something I'd never quit (I think). But right now, that break is what I need I suppose. An even bigger break from social media is much needed too. I'm currently off Instagram for 3 weeks and going, but who knows when that will end. I'm not as good as Mango street, being able to go without any social media for 3 months, but I'll try. 

Of Envy and Courage

Thinking about what you want to do in the future can be such a scary thing. It was such a simple thing to think about when we were kids, but as we grow older, reality sits in and decisions become much harder to make. Some of us are blessed with knowing what we want to do at a young age. Others, like myself, find it extremely hard. Torn between different choices, unsure what is the best course of action. I'm sure I talked about it briefly before, but writing helps to collect my thoughts, so here I am again. 

When I was 16, after my O's, I thought long and hard about what I wished to study in poly. And my answer came to be psychology. Throughout the three years of studies, I was so sure that I'd either be a social worker or a psychologist. But as my passion in photography grew, so did my desire to become a photographer. It was a far-fetched dream, and I knew it. I wasn't sure if I should chase that kind of dream. As I started to write to express myself, I fell in love with English. To the point where I got confused again, where did my passion lie. Perhaps I should pursue a degree in English and become a teacher is what I actually considered. Before I knew it, I was almost done serving the nation. The career fair used a few questions to work out what would best suit me, and the answer was to be a journalist. 

To be honest, I'm not sure if that would suit me very well either. All I know about myself is that I don't really like being cooped up in an office. I like a job that's pretty flexible as well. Come to think of it, I should just be my own boss huh. 

But it's not like I don't have a dream job. I do aspire to write for lifestyle magazines such as Kinfolk. Such is a dream that's just a little too far. Too far for hands like mine to reach. 

Truth be told, I'm at a complete loss. 

I envy people who chase their dreams. It takes courage to do that. Unfortunately for me, I lack that kind of courage.