Navigation Bar

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

As 2018 comes to an end

Merry Christmas y'all. Well, it's still Christmas as I'm typing this, though I'm sure it's no longer Christmas by the time this goes up.

How has 2018 been for all of you? I think it's been pretty much a roller coaster for me honestly. And if you've been reading most of the stuffs I post here, you pretty much know most of the important things that's been going on in my life. 

But of course, as always, it's a tradition for me to sum my year up. First things first, I think the most important milestone this year has to be my ORD. Which is to say, I'm done with national service. Finally. Secondly, I broke up again. That would make it my second failed relationship. But it's not like it was as bad as the first, it was just suffocating, and I guess my feelings kinda died along the way. So the break up isn't exactly a bad thing that happened in my life this year, it's a good thing (sort of) to me.

Next up, is the INSANE amount of people I've worked with this year. And the amount of people I've gotten to know. 2018 was a year of opportunities, and I took those opportunities. It might not seem like a lot... but these are the people I worked with from September to the end of November. I'm just really thankful that all of them even agreed to work with me like what (???!!!) My skills were really very mediocre when I started shooting again, the hiatus really made me rusty. But I think with that hiatus, came a different perspective and a different edit. And it was this edit that allowed me to work with so many talented models. 
Also, I really wish to thank the photographers below for the chance to learn from them and the way they shoot. They offered really different perspectives which helped me to grow as a photographer. Some examples are Chenhan's Japanese style of photography, and Natalia's cling wrap tip which was immensely helpful!!!!

Models:
Lishan (@lishantheyogi)
Naomi Huth (@naomi_huth)
Xue Ning (@tainted_smiles_)
Nehemiah (@neheeee)
Terese (@tereseannepereira)
Shixuan (@_shixuanxuan)
Nadine (@nadineleannetan)
Katrina (@katstified)
Michelle (@michelle.emmanuelle)
Rachel Lee (@rachlsq)
Nicole Crampton (@nicolecrampton)
Beverly (@yobevo)
Jodie (@reina_jejuneness)
Rachel Wong (@rachwsj)
Hana (@danhana.library)
Juhi (@juhinars)
Charissa (@charissatung)

Photographers:
Kevin (@kaleidoscovin)
Chenhan (@chenhan_photography)
Ernest (@412.am)
Dillon (@dillon_photogs)
Natalia (@natalianaa)

Makeup Artist:
Suzana (@suzartistry)

But out of all these people, there's one person I really wish to thank. Which is Lishan. Because of her, I got to work with a make-up artist for the very first time. And it was an amazing experience. The shoot feels extremely different with a make-up artist around, different make-up, different hair-dos. The whole thing just had me in awe. But that's not all, Lishan was the first model I shot after my hiatus of about 9 months. And I'm grateful for how patient she was with me as I was stumbling through everything, unsure of my own aesthetics. It took me insanely long to find an edit that I liked as well for that set of photos as I hadn't edited much for the entire year. Also, I was looking for a job at the time and it was Lishan that introduced me to Chug Chug where I've been working part time at since September.

Chug Chug is one of my highlights of the year, I guess. And although it's really tiring, it's a place where I really have lots of fun to be honest. My colleagues are as good as friends at this point, and some of the regular customers have become friends. (Right Tabitha and Xin Xuan?) I didn't think I'd have so much fun working, but here I am. Laughing every time I work. It's truly amazing. I have 2 bosses who care about me, and for that I'm touched and thankful. And I really owe it all to Lishan who introduced me to this job. 

Before I continue, I just want to say that my motivation to shoot just comes in this huge burst or spurt. It dies off in two to three months, which is why I cram as many shoots as I can while I still have the motivation. And right now, that motivation has faded once again. As it did last December. But I'm glad I've got to work with so many amazing people this time. When I look back at it all, I'm just shocked. Sure, there are a few familiar names, but most of them agreed to work with me upon my DM. And I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. 

2018 has also been a year of friends. It's a year where I've met up more frequently with my secondary school friends, it's a year where I've made a ton of new friends, it's a year where I've found really good friends from army. While I went to Korea last December with Yi Hong and Jordan, this year we went to Kuala Lumpur along with Harvest and Dominic. It was a pretty wholesome trip filled with lots of food but ended up with all of us getting food poisoning. 

Sometimes, I do wonder if friendships still last... But then I look at these bunch of idiots that I've known since I was 13 and I guess... yeah they do last. 

And speaking of friends, I made a really close friend in the most unexpected place. Jodie was one of the people I asked to shoot with, coz I just wanted to try shooting a cosplayer. She was from my course in poly, and she readily agreed to it. Out of nostalgia, I picked our poly as the location for the shoot - Ngee Ann Poly. A bit of context, but we've probably only said less than 10 sentences to each other while we were still in school. Which is to say, we barely know each other. So yeah, off we went to shoot, and for the first time since I've known her since I was 17, we actually talked. We spent more time talking than actually shooting to be honest, because Ngee Ann wasn't as photogenic as I imagined it to be. Fast forward to later on that week, she came down to Chug Chug because she was feeling really down and from there our friendship started. 

In case nobody reading this knows, I haven't had a proper closure from my first relationship. It's been close to three years, and I've only recently just achieved my closure. It wouldn't have been possible without Jodie. I guess I never had someone who knew my first love but yet could remain a neutral party. I guess I never had someone who I could feel so comfortable talking about my first relationship with. So for the first time in three years, I finally broke down while talking about it. I finally came to terms with things I couldn't before. I finally achieved closure after three years. 

And of course, Jodie has been helping me a lot with my anxiety attacks and my depression. She's the first person to have been able to comfort me properly when my anxiety hits. My bros are definitely not the kind of people to be able to do that, and of course my ex couldn't either. If you haven't read my insta-stories, here's some information about my anxiety. It only occurs at 2 specific locations in Singapore because that's where my first love stays. Let's just say my attacks are really bad, it takes a lot just to calm me down. And Jodie does a really good job helping with it. Regarding my depression, my boss gave me a piece of advice. Which is to spend time with positive people and people who make me happy. I guess that's why you'll see me spending so much time with Jodie. She's a friend that really makes me laugh a lot, that really makes me happy. 

She's helped me in more ways than I can imagine, and impacted my life harder than most people in my life. And for these, I'm extremely thankful. That's why I put in even more effort to take care of her as a friend. She's done so much for me, that I think no matter what I do, it just isn't enough to repay her. 

I'm aware it gives people the wrong impression as a result. Everyone thinks we're dating or that there is something going on, even when there's none. I'm aware that people will eventually point out the laws of attraction to me. That when you spend a lot of time with a person you will eventually fall for that person. But if you ask what my honest opinion is, I would never date Jodie. Simply for the fact that she is too good for me. I'm much too horrible of a person. And we both know it would never work out, which is how we stay so platonic. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm really thankful to have such a friend in my life. And I know that there are some of you out there who thinks we should date (like you, Max), y'all can continue shipping us if y'all really want to. The plan is to get married if we can't find anyone before I die at 40 anyway. Just to make my family happy coz they all love her (especially my grandma). But if not, I doubt you'd ever see us dating. 

This sort of sums up my 2018 I suppose. It's been a weird year. 
A year of friends, a year of opportunities, a year of closure, a year of self-love, a year of healing. 

Cheers,
Sean

No comments :

Post a Comment