The Strawberry Girl // My Dream Shoot

What you are looking at and will continue to look at in this post is the fruit of our labour (pun fully intended). It started off with Michelle volunteering to do a shoot for me in a pink outfit and pink gloves, as inspired by @uuanjie. But the concept slowly evolved over two really productive planning sessions in the middle of the night, and we started including more and more things. We used reference photos from @kingvuddha, @jhfxxng, and @xenia.lau to further plan out this concept.

Obviously, this was a shoot that had to be done indoors. We came to this conclusion at the end of our first planning session. We had too many props we wanted to use. But we obviously don't have money to rent a studio, or an airbnb. Michelle is after all, only a student. Luckily for us, my boss allowed us to use the second floor of Chug Chug as our "studio" space.

We bought ourselves strawberries, dragonfruits, grapefruits, strawberry milk from Meiji (please sponsor us), a pink shower curtain from Daiso to act as our backdrop, heart shaped stickers from Daiso, and a huge pink cloth from Joo Chiat to be the tablecloth. We borrowed wine glasses from my bartender as well.

Now, I'm sure most of you reading this would know this, but I have no sense of aesthetics or DIY. You see, the original idea was to use the shower curtain as the table cloth and the cloth as the backdrop. But the cloth was way too heavy, so Michelle thought it would be a better idea to swap them around.

Our original idea was to draw red hearts on her cheeks, but we couldn't figure out what to use to draw without staining her cheeks, and we were lucky that Daiso sold such big heart stickers. Which was perfect for our shoot. Sticking it on her cheeks on the other hand, was tougher than I thought. Because these stickers weren't the thin kind that can bend to any shape they're pasted on. These ones had to be stuck delicately on her cheekbone and then pray that they don't drop off.

The shoot quickly evolved from posing with fruits and milk to "killing" them. I just went "Michelle, hold the knife and stab that dragonfruit". From there, the 'sweet but psycho' mood took over, with Michelle digging her fingers into the dragonfruit like she was murdering a heart. 

She was afraid of staining her fingers at first, so she wore the gloves to dig inside the meat of the dragonfruit. But after a few minutes, she felt ready to use her bare hands. The results were instantly ten fold better, you could really feel that "don't you dare cheat on me" vibe. The dragonfruit juice dripping down her hands made it all a bit more horrifically aesthetic. But it ultimately led to her saying "I hate you Sean, my hands are stained pink." And because she couldn't be the only one stained, she poked my face with her finger that was still dripping with dragonfruit juice. Thanks Michelle. 

Our all pink set-up got the attention of my boss, Xinde, when he came back to Chug for his own shoot. He was so amazed he came over to compliment it. And the best part? Dee Kosh saw our set up and actually wanted to borrow it for their shoot LIKE SIS. The both of us were so damn happy about it I swear. Getting noticed by such a huge Singapore public figure is definitely something to be proud of, and would be placed in my resume if it's allowed. 

Overall, I am just so proud, ecstatic, and obsessed with how the photos turned out. This was really a dream shoot for me. Pink backdrop, pink outfit, pink everything. I was kinda worried about lighting issues but the window light was more than enough to light up Michelle's face and the whole setup. While Michelle's concern was if a pink outfit would be too much with all that pink in the setup, but it turned out pretty amazing. So our worries were for nothing. I have never been so in love with my own photos, but this set is easily my favourite. I've always wanted to try shooting with a backdrop like this, with an elaborate setup, and they have all come true in one shoot. Huge thanks to my iconic strawberry girl for helping make this dream come true. (My only regret is that we didn't take any selfies with our setup SIGH)

Model: 
@michelle.emmanuelle

"Studio":
@chugchugsg

Photographer:
@dustyrobe aka me

Inspirations: 
@jhfxxng (main inspiration for the setup)
@kingvuddha (for his exceptional use of strawberries)
@xenia.lau (makeup idea)
@uuanjie (original inspiration regarding the pink gloves)

2015

2015 me was a very interesting me. Interesting in the way I wrote. When I look back at old blog posts, the ones from 2015 always end up being my favourites. And I do know why. It's because 2015 me was so obsessed with Kinfolk that my writing was very much influenced by it. It was beautiful, and I wonder how my writing style has changed so much. Maybe it's because I haven't been reading much Kinfolk, and instead have been focused on reflections that my writing style have drastically changed.

Now, I can only look back at admire what I used to have. That being said, I don't think there is anything wrong with the way I write now. After all, it feels more real and raw. 2015 me was trying to sound like someone he wasn't. I would know. But of course, from time to time, I do wish I could write as well as I did back then about my projects. Or anything lifestyle in general.

Sad Love Story

I’m trapped in this sad love story

A movie that ended with an abrupt ending

One that started out sweet

But finished with a bitter plot twist

Every scene is still fresh in my head

I remember holding hands on our first date

Do you remember our first big fight?

Or the time we spent our first night?

But you were never a fan of happy endings

Maybe that’s why we ended in tragedy

Because you felt that I didn’t know what sadness was

So you decided to teach me as a good cause

I was nothing special before all of this

Now I’m romanticising sadness of all things

Thanks to all the scars you gave me

I ended up loving heartbreaks and tragedy

But all stories have to come to an end

Like you, I’m curious how this one ends

You kicked off the gears into motion

But it’s up to me to decide the direction

Would I choose a happy ending

Or proceed on with tragedy?

Lana Del Rey Vibes

One of the concepts in my to-shoot-list is to shoot swimwear one day, and when Xue Ning asked if I wanted to shoot with her and Charissa at the beach, I was like why not? So we're at the beach, and seeing Xue Ning in the outfit and the hat, it just felt like I was in 1950s-1980s. It was like she was channeling some Lana Del Rey vibes. So the whole time we were shooting, Lana Del Rey's songs were playing at the back of my head. I knew I had to edit this set of photos like I was editing for Lana's album cover. 

So I get home, I cull the photos, then I start blasting Lana Del Rey. But when it comes to edits, I'm really bad at it. So I sat in front of my laptop for days, listening to Lana Del Rey everyday while staring at Lana's photoshoots. I kept changing the edit, and kept restarting from scratch over and over again. Until I eventually got a look I was satisfied with, and thus, the Lana Del Rey preset was born. Honestly, I wanted to do it 'Ultraviolence' style and edited everything in black and white. It felt a lot more vintage that way. But I decided to challenge myself and edit in colour, and I have never felt more proud of myself.

Xue Ning really killed it that day, both the look and the mood. We wanted to do something really chill, and we did.

Of Valentine's and Bad Memories

14th February 2014: I asked and you said okay, the day we started dating
14th February 2016: I figured something was wrong
14th May 2016:         Before I knew it, you were gone

I don't particularly like Valentine's anymore. Or the 14th of every month. Every 14th is a reminder of what was, what could have been. A reminder of you. Valentine's is drawing near once again, and my heart still aches, it still cries. Every year, it brings forth a flood of memories, both good and bad, and with it, the pangs of pain.

They tell me that this torture is caused by no one but myself. That if I move on, it will all be fine. But how do I tell them... that I have no control over this pain? I tried to forget it all, I tried to bury it all. It didn't work. It never does. I end up feeling it all at once instead. The pain never lessens with each year, and it probably would never lessen.

They say that one day I will meet someone who will change things for me. That there is someone out there who will help me move on from this pain. That someone would help me believe in love again. And... I really wish to believe in that. 

But until then, I guess I don't particularly like Valentine's. 

IU // The Voice of an Angel

Photo credits:url // Loen Entertainment and whoever took this

When IU announced that she was coming to Singapore to perform for her 10th year anniversary concert, you have no idea how excited I was. I've loved IU and her music since I was 16 years old (which is 2012). I listened to her songs while I studied for my 'O' levels. It definitely was on my bucket list to watch her perform live at least once in my life. But IU was someone who only ever performed in Korea. So when this news finally came, I was beyond happy. I was ecstatic. I just had to get the VIP tickets. 

Now, I must say, I am no morning person. But because online sale for the tickets start at 10am, I got up at 9am to start queuing for it on the website. Was it worth the lack of sleep? Hell yes. I managed to snag a seat real up close to my favorite singer. 

The experience? Unlike. Any. Other. It's one thing to listen to her music, it's one thing to see her live performances on YouTube. But, it's a blessing to actually see and hear her sing and perform live right in front of you. She has the voice of an angel. Every song had my ears and my heart melting, I am not kidding. I almost cried because this was everything I had waited close to 7 years for. The highlight? When she sang 'Good Day' live, and actually performed all of the high notes. My heart exploded. 'Good Day' was known as a song that was damaging to her vocal cords because of how unbelievably hard it is to hit the high notes. But she did it anyway, for us fans. I went crazy. I savoured every moment of the concert. IU is also very famous for her en-encore. Every Korean singer or group tends to have two songs planned for their encore performance. But for IU, after her encore performance, she does an unplanned en-encore where she takes song requests from the fans. My friends all didn't believe me that she'd do it in Singapore, but she did it. Even though it was just two extra songs due to the time constraint, she still did it. But what made it extra special was how she told all the security guards that filming and photography should be allowed for her en-encore because it isn't part of the show. She truly is an angel. The applause she got for that was incredible. 

Also, I loved how she tried her best to converse in English with us, despite her having a translator that would help translate whatever she was saying. All in all, it was the best concert I had ever been to. I'm just really grateful and happy to have been able to strike this off my bucket list. Thank you, IU. 

The Saving Grace of Instagram

Photography is truly a magical medium, when paired with Instagram. A decade ago, none of us would have imagined that we would be meeting random strangers from the internet to take photos together / of them. While many may focus on the negative aspects of social media, such as how it has led to addiction. Some argue that we have lost the ability to interact with others due to the rise of social media usage. It might hold some truth, but it has also created a new form of interaction. 

Through Instagram, photography hobbyists such as myself have a platform where we are able to find like-minded individuals. Whereas, it was a lot harder before, who would have known where to find other photography hobbyists apart from camera shops? It has also become a lot easier for us to look for models to shoot with when we wish to do portraits. We are no longer limited to just using our friends. With a simple message, we can connect with strangers whom we find are apt for our styles of photography, or have the vibe we are looking for.

//

Personally, when I started out, I had a wish of making more friends through this platform, just as many others before me had. Growing up, I was a really introverted kid. As a result, I didn't manage to make many friends. It was a regret for me, and I envied others who had made many friends. The realisation that I wouldn't have much opportunities in life to make more friends came after I graduated from poly.

But over the past two years, I stepped out of my comfort zone time and again. I attended insta-meets, and met a number of like-minded individuals. It was truly liberating to be shooting with other people. Photography didn't feel as alone anymore. I wanted to do portraits, but I wasn't brave enough to meet strangers one to one, so I put that on hold. But in the past few months, I decided to take that one big leap forward. I started asking models for shoots. Of course, it was a struggle at first, being the introvert I am. But slowly, one after another, I built up my confidence to shoot and direct. In the course of shooting, I made many friends along the way. 

Twelve year old me would never believe that I'm meeting strangers from the internet to take their photos. He would never believe that I'd made friends with these strangers. And to me, that is the saving grace of Instagram. That is the beauty of it.

Amidst all the negativity surrounding social media, it's a tiny light that shows that when used right, it can be positively life changing. Just like how it has changed my life, it has changed the lives of many others like myself.

From strangers to friends.

From models and photographers to friends.

From fellow photographers to friends.

There is no need for me to name all of you, but all of you know who you are. 

My 22nd // 3 months late

My favorite army friends (missing Jordan who was overseas)
From left to right: Dominic Cancerous Tan, Harvest Dailo, Yi Hong Gan

Alright, so I realised that I was so busy last year with shoots and work that I didn't have the time to sit down and write about how my 22nd birthday went down. I am gonna try and keep this one short.

For most people, their 21st would be the most memorable birthday. Well not for me though, my 21st was just like any other days. Honestly, my birthday feels like any other day to me. I don't really find anything special with it. Every year, I just sit down with my family to blow out a cake. I don't do parties.

But my 22nd was celebrated a little differently though. First off, I was surprised at work two days in advance by my bosses (Xinde and Brandon), and two regulars (Tabby and Xinxuan). Brandon told me that it was Xinxuan's birthday and passed me a cake and tasked me with singing the birthday song when she came back from the toilet. But the plot twist was real when they directed the birthday song at me instead. I'm not going to lie, but that I was genuinely touched and surprised. Nobody's ever given me a surprise birthday ever, so this was a first for me.

That weekend, my workplace was having a Halloween themed event as well (3 days after my birthday), but I thought why not celebrate my birthday alongside Halloween as well. Just to give my life a little change, I invited some close friends to come down and have some fun. And since they were having a dress up competition, I decided to go down as the simplest thing - Joker. My sis did my makeup. Honestly, it was zero effort put in. I merely did it because my bosses kept telling me to dress up. But because the competition was based on how loud the cheers you received were, and since I brought the largest group... I ended up winning the $150 vouchers, much to the discontent of many.

p.s. if you were wondering how I spent the $150 vouchers, I brought my family and Jodie down for a meal sometime last December. 

p.s.s. here's a side story. Randell left early and dropped me a text after saying he left a gift on the chair. He didn't specify which chair, so I assumed it was the chair at Chug Chug. I spent the next 30 minutes frantically trying to find where the gift could possibly be, where exactly did he hid it. It was only after, which he revealed that it was on the sofa in my house. Seriously though. 

Forced Yi Hong to do makeup with me

Best Friend - Randell 

My photography mentor - Ivan 

Boss Brandon

Boss Xinde

Boss Huanhui

Austin

Sorry to those I didn't take photos with, but it's okay. What matters is we had fun. 

Thank you all for an amazing 22nd. You will never see me have any other parties ever again hahaha. 

Disposable // A Carefree 39 shots

First shot in the roll - picking Jodie up from work hahahaha

As many of you might not know, I have this tendency to go wild shooting portraits for 2-3 months before burnout hits me and I suddenly have zero motivation to shoot and whatnot. But honestly, I don't know if it's truly burnout or it's because shooting portraits have started to feel more like work than for fun. The choosing of outfits, locations, and planning of themes, concepts, and mood boards have sort of killed it for me. Instead of having fun, I'm getting stressed out instead.

So for Christmas 2018, my workplace had this gift exchange called 'White Elephant'. Don't ask me why the name sounds racist, I wasn't the one who invented it alright. But basically, we just put all the presents bought on the table anonymously and go in a randomised order to pick these presents. My friend, Sean, told me to pick his. He said out of everyone, I would appreciate his present the most. And so I did. Boy, did I have no regrets. It was a Fujifilm disposable camera. 

To many, a disposable camera might not seem much. One might view it as a bad camera, since you have absolutely zero control over the settings. But I think, that's exactly what I needed. It was a gift that allowed me to finally have fun again with photography just like when I first started. There was no need to stress over settings, or stress over any concepts. It allowed me to snap whatever I wished to in the moment. Whatever I deemed beautiful or aesthetic. So I started snapping away at my friends, nothing planned. Just very spontaneous moments of "hey, can I take a photo of you real quick?" and me laughing afterwards. There is no way of checking these photos, and I think that's what makes it less stressful and more fun for me. It's a carefree 39 shots worth of snapping.

Partner in crime at Chug

Thank you for all the snacks Ewan

Guys look, it's my very hardworking boss, Xinde, packing pastas

Dude's been cooking us pastas and eggs every time I work, thanks~

Nehe posing while on the phone

Austin washing them dishes

I have no idea what we were thinking but here, have a fork

Using the disposable camera really got me thinking though, when exactly did photography stop being "fun" for me? Was it the moment I got too geeky and serious about it and bought a camera? Or was it when I started taking portraits? Because I remember how when all I had was my iPhone 5s, and I was just walking around snapping the most random of things because they simply looked aesthetic to me. I guess I still do, when I see amazing light. I just sort of take out my iPhone 7 and take a few shots. 

Photography for me was about spontaneous moments, about beautiful fleeting moments, about people that mattered to me. And I guess I forgot that as I was chasing after a more serious form of photography that wasn't "me". 

But the true "revelation" moment was probably when I was sending Jodie home the other day, and we were just standing at the corridor, admiring the view. The golden hour was cast onto these HDB buildings, and it truly was a magnificent view. I couldn't help but take out my phone to capture the view in front of me, and as I was snapping away, it made me realise the fun I was having. And it was fun I haven't had in years, to be perfectly honest. 

Sunlight was beautiful

Turning head to the side for more feels

Feels is real in this shot 

View of Braddell at the 30th floor

View of Braddell, this time with a girl in it

I had been so busy chasing after recognition, chasing after the perfect street photos, chasing after unique portraits, chasing after my own "style", that I had forgotten what it was like to simply enjoy the process of taking photos. I had forgotten how all of these even started. As have many others, in this Instagram dominant world. 

But it's not like I would stop taking portraits entirely after discovering this, no. I will still take portraits from time to time, it's not that I don't enjoy it at all. But I'd probably stick to more relaxed kind of shoots, or shoot when I have a really nice idea I wish to execute. It's more of, I am going to indulge in my random snapping again like I did in 2014. Maybe get myself more disposable cameras to shoot with. Because these are what I truly found / find fun in photography. 

From customer to friend - ms tummy

Thankful for all the food you have bought us, Tabs

This is what I mean by I chase beautiful light

Supporting Jodie's booth at EOY where I bought lots of keychains

I absolutely adore this outfit and would shoot it some day

A hard day at work demands a hug from the person that gives me the most comfort

"I need more radish damn it"

Out for a shoot at East Coast with Eva

Drinking ice milo at Burger King 

This is really unglam but it was captured by Jodie... 

My... Valentine's? I am kidding, Chug was selling flowers and Jodie likes flowers

So I bought her a bouquet

Disappointing fluffy pancakes sadly

Little girl wanted to ride on the kiddy ride so badly

Did not think this shot through but oh wells 

Max here stealing the other Sean's Boost juice

Best cafe we've been to so far

Good coffee, good dessert, good pork don. 5/7

Impromptu photoshoot that followed after, because I wanted to finish my disposable

Of spiral staircases and a beautiful dress

"This dress has pockets"

Here is me, chasing beautiful light once again

Really love this shot though?!?!

I. Love. Good. Light.

Are we advertising for cafes now?