A Break

Well once again, it's been a long time since I updated my blog. Almost two months actually. This is becoming a tradition if you ask me. Updating once every two months. 

If you follow me on Instagram, you'd know that I have stopped shooting. 
*Gasps* "But why, Sean?!" 
Truth be told, I don't have a clue myself. It's just that the passion for shooting has died, sort of. And it's not the first time it's happened. Back when I was shooting streets, I had a period when I just didn't feel like shooting anymore. Next thing I know, I was shooting portraits like nobody's business. Maybe it had gotten too serious. After all, I started off shooting portraits just for the fun of it. To have fun, to laugh about the weird poses I make my models do. But somehow, somewhere along the way, it got a little serious. Shoot after shoot, it was packed, it was busy, it was tiring. There was a need to keep shooting. But yet every shoot felt more or less the same somehow. The same poses, just a different model, a different background. I was shooting for the sake of shooting. 

The only shoots where I really pushed myself, where I tried to create something weirder than the previous, were my shoots with Randell. I never really know what I'm doing though, I just wanted something cinematic. The only shoot I ever had a concept? It was the banana shoot with Randell. Every other shoot I never really had a clue of what I was doing. Which is how I ended up shooting for the sake of shooting. I didn't have the time to think beforehand what I wanted. 

Hence, I decided to stop shooting portraits entirely for the time being. To take a much needed break once again. That is not to say I won't shoot at all, if I see nice light or something interesting, I will always take snapshots. If a close friend of mine wants me to help take some photos, I'm always happy to help. 

I just... want to take a break. To free up my weekends so I can spend more time with the people I love. To write a little more, to breathe a little more. 

Wrapping up 2017

Long overdue but, it's time for a yearly write up or something like that. I wrote one for 2016 so I thought I'd write one again for 2017. 

2017 has been special, and it's been really kind to me. Honestly didn't expect it but thank you Life for being so kind. I've probably already said it before in other posts so I'll sum it up. I went for my first ever instameet last year around April / May (thank you Randell for giving me that courage and support by going with me) and from there it's been a life changing past few months. I've met so many people through Instagram and I am grateful for that.

Really thankful that I got to meet Ivan who's now my shifu (master) for photography, because he has taught me so much and given me so much opportunities. Because of that, I've had the chance to find my own path in photography and refine my style. Something I've never been able to do before. Trust me when I say that it's hard for an introvert like myself to direct models, but I slowly gained the confidence to do it after shooting with Ivan so often. 

I've had the opportunities to work with a lot of amazing people this year as well, and I couldn't be more thankful for that. 

- Rachel [@rachlsq]
- Amber [@spiked_rosesx]
- Azek [@its.azek]
- Amanda [@adblehs]
- Xue Ning [@tainted_smiles_]
- Shirley [@iamshirleyho]
- My sis [@crystaaaaly]
- Desmondo [@desmondoteo]
- Terence [@n8tewind]
- Kai Long [@tangkailong]
- Dominic [@dominicpoh]
- Jordan [@jordanchabonkia]
- Yi Hong [@h0keypokey]
- and last but not least, my fav muse Randell [@zeroforfun]

Each and everyone of you has had an impact on my photography in one way or another and y'all have helped me to improve so much. Thank you for putting up with my slow and awkward directing, and sometimes very weird posing. Especially Randell, I've made you done so much weird stuffs in the name of art and more will come. 

I actually can't believe I worked with so many people from September till now, considering the fact that I was away for November and half of my December. 

I'm sorry this came so late. I originally wrote it in the middle of December, but the past one month has been insane. Insane in a good way though. But I'll leave that for another post. 

He

He never felt like the main character in his own story, just a side who was never the center in anything. He thought just maybe, things would change when she entered his life. But ideals and reality often never collide. She became the main character in his story, his life, his very all. It wasn’t a bad thing, he’d tell himself. At least now he had a reason to live for. His life came crashing down when she left, “now who’s gonna fill that gap?” But what he didn’t expect, was that he finally became his own main character because of that. He ended up filling his own gap. Even if it’s a main character of a sad love story. But the story doesn’t end there because he started loving himself. He found his own reasons to live, his dreams, and a life he can call his own. 

///

Just something very casual I wrote in 10 minutes

A Constant Fight // Reflections

If you've been reading this little blog of mine, you probably know that I usually only write photography related things, updates or just sad words. I don't write or talk much about anything psychology related or mental health issues even though I studied it for poly because I don't feel like I'm fit to. 

If you follow anything K-pop related at all, then you'll know SHINee's Jonghyun recently just passed away after struggling against depression for a long time. I am no fan, and neither do I follow his or their music, but I can sympathise with the fans. It's truly heartbreaking, the more I read on, the sadder I get. While most people believe that suicide is selfish, because you're causing grief to the people around you, we have to think in their shoes too. To some, it's not an end to life but an end to their pain. I don't know his struggles, his dilemmas, but I do respect the decision he came to. It definitely wasn't easy. And I most certainly hope he will be happier in the afterlife, I honestly do. 

It makes me think, makes me reflect a lot. Because this happens a lot more than you and I think. There are people struggling with depression all around us. We just don't notice it. Why? Because their struggles aren't written on their face like physical injuries are. They can be smiling, laughing and having a good time with you and still be depressed. That's how depression works. The negative thoughts, the turmoil, the suicidal thoughts are constantly there as a package. It's a constant fight in them. 

Trust me when I say that most people think lightly of depression. They just think that it's a phase and people will eventually become happier. It's sad to know this if you ask me. We wish for the whole human population to be educated on the mental health but it's honestly just not possible. Let's be real, too many people can't be bothered. So I'll do what I can as a psychology diploma graduate. I'm here to tell you to keep showing that love and concern for those you know are struggling with that fight. Here to tell you to show some care and concern for those around you by dropping in on them every once in a while. You never know how a little gesture can go a long way, how a listening ear can change decisions. I'm here to tell you that what they don't want to hear is "just try and be happy" or "endure it for a little more". It's not that encouragements are useless, but you have to be tactful with it. How are they supposed to try and be happy? Say something a little more useful. Tell them you love them, show them that love and just be there for them.

It made me realise too, how much of a loss I would be in if I was placed in a situation where someone close to me just goes. I honestly wouldn't know what to do, what to feel. The thing about this is that it can happen to anyone. And that's scary.

So for all my family and friends, I want y'all to know that I love all of you. And that y'all can hit me up or call me any time if y'all need somebody to talk to. 

When We Were Twelve

Gone were the days of our simple lives. Where there was nothing to worry about, apart from our teachers confiscating our trading card games. Exam stress? We were carefree nonetheless. Now all we do is worry and stress, it’s like we can never rest. We ran while chasing each other in our little game of tag, oh those were such joys. We’re all chasing girls now, but where’s the fun in that. No more and ice and water, we replaced that with cold wars. We’re no longer running in the rain, only away from our responsibilities. Maybe the ones that made it complicated were ourselves. Maybe simple wasn't what we wanted anymore, but do you think we could go back to how it was when we were twelve. I buy the cards we played, I download the games we played back then. But nothing feels the same. The joy is never what it was, too much has changed. No, we've changed. 

//

Just something short I wrote after listening to "Us Against the World" by Epik High.

A Dream That's A Little Far

For the longest time, I have been fascinated by cinematography. It could be in the form of films, music videos, or even photographs. The aesthetics in it is just simply beautiful. And when used in photos, it just tells so much more story than a normal photo. As such, it has in one way or another shaped the way I take my photos. The music that I listen to have inevitably played a part in influencing my artistry as well. 

There was a funfair at Tampines so I took the chance to try shooting there at late afternoon / early evening. I didn’t think that they would only open at 6pm but that worked to our advantage as it was empty. My original plan was to get the crowd at the back but having nobody around gave a sadder, lonelier vibe so we worked with that instead. Randell has been working with me for so long that we can communicate without words, plus the fact that we’re best friends, he’s able to give me the mood I want pretty effortlessly too.

But of course, I’ve been out of it for about a month because I was overseas, so it took me a while to get used to shooting again. Thankfully he trusted me enough to let me make him do all sorts of weird poses. 

The results? A lot better than I thought. The last shoot I had before I left the country was also with Randell, and even then I was trying to achieve some form of cinematic look but never really did. So I was amazed at myself when I could envision more cinematic images in my head. Perhaps it was the location that inspired me or the place itself was already cinematic to begin with.

Looking at the photos, I realised that more than ever, they are open for interpretation. I tend to include some form of humour in my works with Randell, but not everybody catches that humour flying past. So I’ll have to work on that in future.

Just like music, I believe that photos should make a person feel something. While there is nothing wrong with catchy pop music, a poetic piece that gets you thinking about the lyrics that makes you feel a tinge of pain in your heart is always a lot better in my opinion. The same goes for photos. I used to think that bokeh is everything, and neglected everything. Took a lot of thinking, feedback from my teacher (Ivan), and a change of lens to start including more background, more context in my photos. While I still think bokeh looks aesthetically pleasing, having a photo that makes my viewers feel something satisfies me more. Even better if they think up a whole background story for them. That’s what I dream of achieving. Maybe it’s a dream that’s a little far but I’m gonna try and get there. 

"Am I hiding well enough?"

The light was too good to let up

Mum always says don't slouch so shh don't tell her about this

Hey look, it's Shirley! 

The happy girl and her horsey

Discover As You Walk

It is said that traveling changes a person's perspectives. To be able to see new cities, new culture, and new people. While there is nothing bad about being in our home country (trust me, I'm an advocate of the everyday mundane), visiting somewhere new opens our eyes to so much more. After a good travel, you start to view your own country in a different light. You start to notice things you never did before. What once seemed ugly / boring to you before may now look beautiful. You appreciate the little things you took for granted before you flew. 

It provides a new source of inspiration for whatever that you do. Because you experience things that you never would have, it gives you fresh ideas. A night sky filled with thousands of stars that can only be found in the countryside, away from light pollution or a sunset lighting up mountains that you will never see in cities. We are often inspired by the things around us, by our experiences. Thus limiting our inspirations to that small circle. Traveling helps to change things by giving us entirely new environments and experiences to inspire us. 

But of course, it's not always necessary to book a flight to some other country just to travel. It could just be visiting somewhere you've never been to before in your own country. It can still have the same impact on you. You will still discover new things as you walk. 

Disappearing from Singapore // I Guess This is Goodbye

Random portrait as always that is not related to the post

For the months of November and December, yours truly will be disappearing from Singapore. I'll be going to New Zealand with the army for the entire November (trust me, if I could I'd rather not go sigh) and South Korea for two weeks in December. Fine, I exaggerated a little. I won't be gone entirely, I'll float in and out whenever I have time. Most probably would schedule some posts as well. 

As I countdown to the time when I fly off, there is a feeling of nervousness and excitement that I can't contain. I've never been to anywhere outside of Asia, so New Zealand sounds really exciting. Except for the fact that I'm going with the army. Sure, I'll still get to enjoy some sceneries, but I won't get to do anything I wish to and that's a real bummer. Won't be bringing my camera there either, so I'll make do with just #iphoneonly and #iphoneportraits haha. Instead of packing my bags for the past few weeks, I've been trying to do as much shoots as I could. To stock up on photos to upload on Instagram while I'm there. Smart move huh? I know. 

Without a doubt, I'm much more psyched for the Korea trip. I might have been to Korea before, but this time it'll be around winter and with friends. And can I just say, I never knew planning an overseas trip was so tedious good lord. From trying to get a good deal for flight tickets to finding reasonable priced Airbnb lodging. God why do you place so many obstacles in front of my relaxation trip? Hopefully the obstacles make the trip a whole lot sweeter. I'll be bringing my camera for this trip (duh) so my two bunkmates are gonna be my models for the whole trip.

Matcha, Matcha, and More Matcha

Azukiiiii

Before I start, disclaimer: I don't do food photography so this is just me playing around. A collaboration with my dad if you might, he helped me with the light (just my iPhone 7) while I shot. No idea on how to edit either, so I went with my usual style of editing just with a different preset. For some reason, the photos turned out darker and moodier than I'd imagined, but hey, makes the food look a little more dramatic eh?

I am no food critique so I'm not gonna tell you how the cream bun explodes in your mouth with unicorn sprinkles and gives you a roller coaster ride of flavours from sweet to bitter. I'm just here to tell you that there's this shop at Tanjong Pagar Centre (above the MRT) that sells these cream buns.

Really like their packaging though, it's so lovely

Really wanted to try the custard flavour but they were sold out on that, so we went with one Azuki and three different matcha flavours. Matcha cream bun (original), matcha rich, and matcha melon. Rich like the word already says mean it's not poor. No, I'm kidding. Unless you have a love for matcha, don't get this one. It's way too thick, and kills the whole taste for me. Matcha melon does not contain any melon, much to your disappointment. The melon actually stands for the crust (?) of the bread being rocky like a rock melon (probably). You can take a look at it below. My favourite was probably the normal match cream bun, for it had the right balance of matcha. And also because that melon crust ain't my thing. 

//

Well, the food isn't the main point. The lighting is. I was actually receiving a simple lesson on lighting up subjects from my dad. My house doesn't have the best lighting when it gets dark, with orange light and whatnot. I don't have a speed light either, so my iPhone's torch is all I got. I'm not very familiar with using lighting like this, so I shone it straight onto the bun. That's when my dad came in, telling me to try shining it from the side. I did, and instantly the photo looked better. So he explained to me about the shadows creating depth for the photo rather than shining it straight making it look flat. From there, he took over the light and showed me various ways of lighting up a bun while I took some photos. And I think that last photo of the matcha melon bun was the one with the best lighting. We shone the top / back of the bun, casting the shadows forward.

I'm probably gonna take what I learnt today and apply it on portraits in the near future. Lights make a huge difference like I saw today. 

Matcha rich as you can see, exploding with matcha

The matcha melon that has no taste of melon

Fond Memories

Fashion enough for ya?

On the March of 2015, I posted a blog post talking about how I was about to start internship. At the time, I didn't know how this internship organization of mine would have such a big impact on my life. For privacy purposes, I will not mention the name of the company. All I'll say is that it deals with old folks.

What started off as a mere four months long internship evolved into a long term volunteering commitment. When I'd started my internship, I honestly couldn't foresee myself going back to volunteer after it ended. But I guess those four months were enough for me to form a bond with the old folks, the staffs that worked there, and my two good-looking seniors who interned before me (as pictured above). 

Looking back, I have lots of fond memories working there. From accompanying the elderly to buffets, to the casual lunches and dinners we had inside the center where some of the staffs would cook. 

Two years have since passed, and all but one of the colleagues that I worked with remain. Some resigned for personal reasons, and some transferred out. Truth be told, the colleagues were part of why I went back so often. I really enjoyed their presence. Of course, I will still go back every now and then when I'm free (or if they ask me to), just to see my old folks. 

It'd probably disappoint them to know that I most likely would not continue in this field, since I've decided to pursue photography.

////

Now, you're probably wondering why the fashion photos. I'm just using the post as an excuse to show you the photos I took of my two intern seniors when we met up recently. They helped me out a lot when I was still an intern back then, showing me how to interact with the elderly and giving me ideas for my FYP. So I'm always thankful for that. Have always wanted to try shooting with them as well, so I'm glad this happened. 

We just walked around Somerset and Orchard finding nice spots here and there to take the photos. The way I like it. I get more inspired when I walk around, but I guess that's the street photographer in me talking. 

Also, this shoot was inspired by @faithcheryl's photos.

Random corner with beds and sofas as a background

Just casually sitting on some shop's pillars

GD vibes in this one?

The amount of green in this photo though

Brightening your life with that bright smile

Just smiling to his own muscles

He really wanted to show off the abs

Angel and devil? 

All photos were processed on Lightroom with VSCO Film, tones further adjusted by myself. Still pretty new to Lightroom, so don't be too harsh with me.