2015

2015 me was a very interesting me. Interesting in the way I wrote. When I look back at old blog posts, the ones from 2015 always end up being my favourites. And I do know why. It's because 2015 me was so obsessed with Kinfolk that my writing was very much influenced by it. It was beautiful, and I wonder how my writing style has changed so much. Maybe it's because I haven't been reading much Kinfolk, and instead have been focused on reflections that my writing style have drastically changed.

Now, I can only look back at admire what I used to have. That being said, I don't think there is anything wrong with the way I write now. After all, it feels more real and raw. 2015 me was trying to sound like someone he wasn't. I would know. But of course, from time to time, I do wish I could write as well as I did back then about my projects. Or anything lifestyle in general.

Sad Love Story

I’m trapped in this sad love story

A movie that ended with an abrupt ending

One that started out sweet

But finished with a bitter plot twist

Every scene is still fresh in my head

I remember holding hands on our first date

Do you remember our first big fight?

Or the time we spent our first night?

But you were never a fan of happy endings

Maybe that’s why we ended in tragedy

Because you felt that I didn’t know what sadness was

So you decided to teach me as a good cause

I was nothing special before all of this

Now I’m romanticising sadness of all things

Thanks to all the scars you gave me

I ended up loving heartbreaks and tragedy

But all stories have to come to an end

Like you, I’m curious how this one ends

You kicked off the gears into motion

But it’s up to me to decide the direction

Would I choose a happy ending

Or proceed on with tragedy?

Lana Del Rey Vibes

One of the concepts in my to-shoot-list is to shoot swimwear one day, and when Xue Ning asked if I wanted to shoot with her and Charissa at the beach, I was like why not? So we're at the beach, and seeing Xue Ning in the outfit and the hat, it just felt like I was in 1950s-1980s. It was like she was channeling some Lana Del Rey vibes. So the whole time we were shooting, Lana Del Rey's songs were playing at the back of my head. I knew I had to edit this set of photos like I was editing for Lana's album cover. 

So I get home, I cull the photos, then I start blasting Lana Del Rey. But when it comes to edits, I'm really bad at it. So I sat in front of my laptop for days, listening to Lana Del Rey everyday while staring at Lana's photoshoots. I kept changing the edit, and kept restarting from scratch over and over again. Until I eventually got a look I was satisfied with, and thus, the Lana Del Rey preset was born. Honestly, I wanted to do it 'Ultraviolence' style and edited everything in black and white. It felt a lot more vintage that way. But I decided to challenge myself and edit in colour, and I have never felt more proud of myself.

Xue Ning really killed it that day, both the look and the mood. We wanted to do something really chill, and we did.

Of Valentine's and Bad Memories

14th February 2014: I asked and you said okay, the day we started dating
14th February 2016: I figured something was wrong
14th May 2016:         Before I knew it, you were gone

I don't particularly like Valentine's anymore. Or the 14th of every month. Every 14th is a reminder of what was, what could have been. A reminder of you. Valentine's is drawing near once again, and my heart still aches, it still cries. Every year, it brings forth a flood of memories, both good and bad, and with it, the pangs of pain.

They tell me that this torture is caused by no one but myself. That if I move on, it will all be fine. But how do I tell them... that I have no control over this pain? I tried to forget it all, I tried to bury it all. It didn't work. It never does. I end up feeling it all at once instead. The pain never lessens with each year, and it probably would never lessen.

They say that one day I will meet someone who will change things for me. That there is someone out there who will help me move on from this pain. That someone would help me believe in love again. And... I really wish to believe in that. 

But until then, I guess I don't particularly like Valentine's.