a photographer's work is a reflection of themselves

In an attempt to get myself out of my photography slump, I decided to take the intro to digital photography elective in my uni. I wanted to relearn my basics and just be forced to take photos again. But what I never expected, was being forced to learn something much deeper about photography. 

After I'd submitted my first draft(?) for my street photography assignment, I had a consultation session with my prof. She told me straight up that it was okay but not great, and I knew she was right. She pulled out my previous submissions and told me, and I quote: 

"Sean, you have a talent for bringing out emotions, like in this portrait you submitted. And look at your still life, your composition is amazing. But when it comes to street, I'm not feeling it. You haven't brought out the emotions. And as I look at your work, let me recommend you a photographer... A Singaporean street photographer, Nguan, pastel tones and dreamy Singapore. I feel you will learn a lot from his work." 

Nguan, has been my inspiration for the past 7 years. His work, "How Loneliness Goes", the reason why I picked up photography seriously. His work stirred up my heart when I was at the Art Science Museum years ago, looking at his exhibition. And after my prof said that to me, I realised, I never learned anything from Nguan beyond surface aesthetics. I started asking myself questions after questions the entire week. I took out the physical copy of "How Loneliness Goes" and stared at it from day to night. 

Why did Nguan shoot what he did? What was the purpose of his works? Why these subjects? What feelings did the subjects convey? No, what did he convey to us? 

I don't know how long I was lost in his works for. But no answers came to me. So I did the most logical thing, I went out to shoot at 8am in the morning. And as I made my way around Tanjong Pagar, I found all the answers I'd been searching for as I stared at benches with tape on them to mark out social distancing measures. 

A photographer's work is not a reflection of their subjects, but a reflection of themselves. Nguan did not wait for interesting subjects, he actively sought out a certain emotion in his photos - loneliness and yearning. But I was so focused on the subjects in his photos that I failed to see that the emotions weren't just coming from the subjects. Nguan's feelings of loneliness were laid out on every photograph he took in Singapore, and I was blind to it the whole time. His photos had the impact it did because the series was a reflection of him. 

Street photography wasn't about the decisive moment, it wasn't just walking around the streets looking for something interesting, it wasn't just aesthetics. There is no meaning to photos taken like this. 

So as I stared at the benches, I realised I needed to pour my emotions out as well. As much of an introvert I am, I still am human, I still am a creature that requires social interactions. Covid has deprived us (no, me) of social interactions with circuit breaker and the fluctuating laws. And I (no, we) have been finding ways to get around all of these. From Zoom calls to meeting up as smaller groups to taking away food to eat at home. While the tape showed the Covid restrictions, the benches with broken tape showed the rebellion of Singaporeans for me. As social creatures, Covid has taken a toll on all of us, and in order to satisfy this need for social interactions, we rebel against the very laws (gathering in groups more than 2 or 5 or 8, dining in parks, the illegal KTV clusters, and so on), shown as a metaphor through the broken tapes. 

This realisation extends beyond street photography. The reason I've been thinking I can do better, that something is lacking in my portraits, is because what was lacking was my emotions. I'd been shooting portraits the wrong way this whole time. I tell my subjects to give me certain emotions, but I never poured my own out. I'm not sure if I would ever do a whole lot of portraits that are personal to me, but I did do one for this class. The entire concept was based on my own heartache, and for once, I felt satisfied with the photos if they weren't the most technically perfect ones. 

I don't personally think I will take a lot more photos after this, simply due to the lack of time thanks to uni. But, I've definitely broken out of the slump I'd been in. It was honestly enlightenment. Moving forward, I hope to create much more personal photos, the way Nguan did. For now, I hope you enjoy these photos. 

music for the broken-hearted and the lonely

I've been listening to Powfu's music almost daily for a year now. It started off as a joke because of 'Death Bed' that was trending on Tik Tok, but when I went to check out his other music, I just kind of got hooked. The lofi beats, his rapping, his lyrics all meld together so well. The songs are perfect for when I'm on the train doing nothing staring into space, or when I'm walking alone window shopping. 

His lyrics seem to revolve around high school, being a loner and a loser, and unrequited love. Which I guess is somehow relatable for me. It did bring back memories about having crushes, and being unable to confess those feelings. But there's something so romantic about the sad lyrics, and paired with the catchiness of the beat, I find myself putting his songs on repeat. 

His songs have been giving me inspirations for some short stories too, so maybe I'll get to that one of these days. Meanwhile, if any of you are reading this, then maybe join me and wallow in these sad feelings as we rap (in complete failure) to Powfu.

Current songs from Powfu I'm jamming to:

Douchebag

a classmate from a different world

long fights, short tempers

blue waves

good for nothing

breakfast with the moon

Strawberry Shortcake (with Michelle)

 

This shoot was taken a couple months back, but because of assignments and finals, I was unable to edit the photos only until recently. The whole idea came after I'd gotten Michelle that strawberry hat, and she bought a strawberry dress to match it. 

It definitely isn't a concept that is unfamiliar to us. We've done strawberry related shoots twice already. The first one being a simple one at Botanics Garden with just some strawberries. The second one, which was done in Chug Chug, involved a lot more props, and you can view the photos here. 

For the third strawberry shoot, we decided to head outdoors again - at Bras Basah Complex. I originally wanted to use a bookstore in the complex, but the owner rejected our plea so we made do and walked around to find nice spots we could use. 

And I'm kinda glad we stuck with the outdoors for this shoot because the weather and light was so extremely kind to us. We arrived just in time for the golden hour to shine at its best, and the wind worked in tandem with us instead of against us, allowing for the most beautiful photos to happen.

Michelle brought me to a rooftop garden that I never knew existed, and from there we walked to a nearby playground (also on the roof-ish!). The playground worked perfectly with the direction we were going for, so I just let my creative instincts take over at that point, trying to take as many photographs as I could. 

My personal favourite shot

I've been very inactive with shoots over the past year because I've been so busy with school, and because I've been in a slump for quite a while. However, I've had the opportunity to do three shoots this year. One for Lishan's cheongsam / CNY shoot, one for Xuening and her baby, Bailey, and lastly this strawberry shoot with Michelle. 

I'm very grateful for friends who ask me for shoots. Despite my slumps, and not knowing which direction to take my photography towards, they still place their trust in me. And in all honesty, it does help me a little. Once I get into the motion, my body moves on its own, and I am reminded of what it is that I love about photography - being able to create such beautiful aesthetics. 

That said, I don't think I'll be doing shoots all that frequent ultimately. As of now, school probably takes top priority (after all, I'm paying so much money for it). The only exceptions would probably be shoots that my friends ask for, paid shoots, and of course, concepts that I feel passionately for. 

Editorial Feature in VSCO

 

This post is about a year late, and I do apologise for that. A year ago, I wasn't updating this platform very much. Especially with the pandemic going on. But a year ago, around April, I received an email from VSCO informing me that they wanted to feature my photograph in an editorial. It was and still is a dream come true for me. (And you can view the article here)

I have had more than ten photos featured on their old 'VSCO Grid' since 2015, but having a photograph inside one of their articles is just on another scale for me. The article is about preserving connections through the pandemic, and they originally asked me to answer some questions. Unfortunately, my answers probably weren't what they were looking for (heh), and they had a lot of quotes to include, so they were cut out. So I thought why not, just leave the questions and my answers here.

"

1. Could you tell us a little bit about this photo, who’s in it and why they are important to you? 

This was taken a month before circuit breaker hit us in Singapore. In the photo are my two university friends, Bidhya and Laetitia (and also the first friends I made in university). What you see is them setting up the phone on a chair so that we could take some group photos together because we are all introverts and did not want to approach any strangers. It felt like a very intimate moment, so I snapped it using my disposable camera. 

2. What do you value most about your community? 

Personally, "community" for me has always been about the friends I hold closest to my heart, friends who I trust and are comfortable with. And I value nothing more than their presence and the fact that I can talk to them about anything. 

3. How have you been able to maintain your connections to others during this time? 

I think being an introvert, I'm not one for Zoom calls or FaceTime. Instead, it has been mostly through texts during circuit breaker. Since I have friends who work in F&B, I also take the opportunity to have short chats with them when I'm buying food to go since dine in was not allowed. 

Instagram has also been another form of maintaining connections while we have been trapped in the four walls of our own homes. Through things like us whipping Dalgona coffees, cooking our own food, or reviewing the latest show that we are watching, we are kept up to date about each other's lives even if we are unable to physically meet up. 

"

As we are entering our pseudo-circuit breaker once more, I was reminded of this editorial feature, and how it was relevant to us living in Singapore again. We will be forced into our own homes for the coming month, and preserving connections will prove difficult for many who crave physical interactions. But let us be grateful that technology has advanced to the point where we can easily text, call, or FaceTime any of our friends or family, allowing us to maintain our connections with our loved ones. 

The article is also linked in my 'about' page if anyone was curious, and I'm hoping I will have the opportunity to expand that "Editorial Feature" section of my page in the future. 

more films part III // spoilt $20 camera

 

Yes. I wear shoes, and socks to the beach. 

But that's not the point. Third blogpost for more films, simply because I felt I should split up the films accordingly to the cameras. This time, it's a $20 camera I bought from Plain Jane Cafe while I was out with Xuan. The camera looked really cute, and it was only $20 so I thought it would be a good idea. Long story short, it was not a good idea. 

First off, the flash did not work. Well at least for mine. Shannon bought one as well, and her flash worked just fine. As the cafe was all the way in Serangoon, I was lazy to go all the way back there just to get a refund. After all, the roll of film was already loaded in. So I did the best I could, I would just use this camera in sunlight. 

the photo when I realised the flash did not work

Next up, the camera body got increasingly sticky over time. I'm not exaggerating. It honestly felt like the body was melting, which made it kind of gross to hold. But I'm not one to complain about ergonomics like this one. The number one cause for my regret was... the camera broke down halfway. I wasn't even done with the roll. Maybe halfway? But the shutter button just stopped functioning. (Shannon's one worked all the way till the last shot by the way) 

But not only that, the rewind button was broken as well. Which meant... the film was trapped in there. Shannon's camera had this problem as well. But good news is, Whampoa Colour Centre can manually remove the film for you without damaging it. What you will get however, are light leaks when the photos are developed. For me personally, that's a win. I love light leaks, and they are impossible to get unless you deliberately open the back of your camera and expose the film to sunlight. And you'll see in all of the photos here that there are orange bits at the sides, those are light leaks. But there are others who think light leaks ruin the photos and their opinions are valid too. 

Anyway, colours wise, I didn't really like how they turned out. It was way too muted for my liking. And this post is to simply serve as a warning to not buy way too cheap film cameras. But since it was only $20, I'll simply take it as a lesson learnt. I'll be sticking to my disposable cameras from now on for sure. They never ever let me down and they produce the aesthetics I want all the time. May go back to the Kodak M35 from time to time, but I'm not the biggest fan of loading and rewinding film on that camera, it's way too difficult. 

But enjoy whatever photos I managed to get out of this camera and the light leaked goodness. Cheers.

shan bought all the food

nuggets

me and my socks

socks II

shan's camera

sleeping... in this hot weather?

just light leaks, nothing else