Best Friend

We all have this one person in our lives we call our best friend. That one person whom we turn to in times of need, whom we confide our deepest and darkest secrets to, and the person we can be weird and completely honest with. Some times, this person is closer to us than our family. You might even spend so much time together that your significant other gets jealous. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. They don't hold back on the insults and the burns. But you don't get affected by it, because you'll be throwing something stronger back at them. There won't be any hard feelings at the end of it. Such is the meaning of a best friend. 

For me, this man in the photo here is my best friend. We were classmates in polytechnic. And to be very honest, we hardly spoke to each other for the first one and a half years of school (apart from group projects). Strange enough, we were grouped together for almost every single group project. The funny thing was that all the groupings were assigned by luck, with our teacher drawing lots in front of us. Some call it fate, I suppose. Till today, I still don't know how we started talking and became friends. But halfway through our final semester, I chose to call him and talk to him about my (then) relationship problems. Out of nowhere. Back then, all we talked about were projects and school related stuffs. After that dinner and talk, our friendship somehow bloomed. The perfect partners in crime. I guess the funniest part of this friendship is that I never liked him when we were in year one, at 17. The reason is embarrassing so I shan't say it. So yes, things turned out the way it did, and we started sharing more heart to heart talks and playing children card games. 

The guy's always in black. Always.

I don't think you'll find much people with a fully black wardrobe these days, but his clothes are 99% black. Amazing, isn't it? I remember thinking if he had yet to get out of the teenage-emo phase when I first met him. Hard not to think this way when his fringe covered half his face and he was decked in black. Plus, his earpiece which was screaming metal music didn't help either. He'd disappear during lunch time to eat on his own, and would magically teleport out of the classroom without anyone knowing when classes were over. He wouldn't say much, even when lecturers asked him to answer questions. All in all, he was a guy surrounded by mystery. And without a doubt, he attracted most of the girls' attention in class.

He's probably the complete opposite of me. I like colored clothing, and I listen to K-pop like there's no tomorrow. Anybody who sees the two of us would most likely assume we wouldn't click. Perhaps it was that one lunch we had with another friend of ours after class. I'd skipped lessons in the morning as I was feeling wrecked on the inside, and these two thought that it'd be appropriate to talk to me. We discovered our common interests of card games that we played in our childhood that very day, the three of us. We talked, and laughed. It felt good to finally find people who played those games as I did. 

Stares to the left

Stares to the right.

I have never found it easy to tell anyone about my problems, not even my family. But I'm glad I found a friend that I can feel comfortable in confiding in. So friends, if you ever find someone whom you can actually tell everything to, cherish that friend of yours. You might never get another chance to meet someone like that again. 

-

I should probably provide some background information about the photos as well. The photos were taken quite awhile back, so my memory is a little fuzzy.

We went out that day specifically to take photos, because I'd recently gotten a 35 mm lens and I was dying to try it for portraits. I brought both the 50 mm and the 35 mm, and we headed out to Sentosa. I bet you thought it was some forest like Coney Island, but sorry to disappoint you, it's only Sentosa. To be honest, I had nowhere in mind to take the photos so we just wandered around like lost tourists. We found a nice log in the middle of nowhere with plenty of foliage so we thought, why not just shoot here? It seems apt for a shoot after all. But because Randell was pretty stiff and awkward around the camera, and I wasn't used to directing, so it was pretty tough at first. As we went on with the session, it got more comfortable and I'd gotten a grasp on how best to capture his portraits. I figured that it was most natural for him to stare into space instead of the camera. Which is why most of the photos are of him staring left or right. I tried to sneak in a couple of shots when he laughed as well. My street photography skills have been applied well. 

Shoot Something Worth Keeping

Shooting on film does not equate to shooting street photography instantly.

Over the past two years, every time I see a photographer who is trying film for the first time, he / she will always shoot street photography (well 99% of the time). Sure, the most well known street photographer, Henri Cartier-Bresson shot everything on film, and most of the iconic street photographs that we know of were shot on film. But we can't just instantly pair the two together. It doesn't do film justice.

Of course, if the photographer was a street photographer to begin with, I wouldn't comment much. The thing is that most of these photographers who are trying film for the first time tend to be portrait, or landscape / cityscape shooters. So it kinda confuses me as to why they would want to do street photography all of a sudden while using film for the first time. Let's be honest here, a DSLR would get the job done far more easily if one is attempting street photography for the first time. 

Film is more than just street photography (contrary to popular belief). I just felt that this needed to be said. In fact, if one is using film for the first time, it might be more advisable to use it for landscapes and portraits instead. That is because you don't want to be fumbling around with your settings and your focusing on the streets. And you most certainly don't want to dial down your aperture to f/8 just to save time on focusing as you'll lose exposure and bokeh. With the convenience that DSLRs have brought us, it's no surprise that many (if not most) photographers have been using it on auto or aperture priority mode the whole time. Fun fact, I do use aperture priority some times when I'm lazy too, so I'm not bashing on them. What's worse than bringing a huge DSLR out to do street photography is holding a camera there and fumbling around with it as you miss shot after shot and end up making everyone around you uncomfortable as they discover your presence. I'm going off topic again, happens every post doesn't it?

So yes, I will never understand why anyone would spend so much money on the film and the developing of film on bad street photos (out of focus subjects, blurry photos, etc.) when one could take the time to shoot some decent portraits with it. You'll be developing the photos and will most likely be keeping it, why not shoot something worth keeping?

[I'm sorry if this seems to be a rant (nope not sorry at all), just wanted to put it out there. And I'm trying out a new font~]

Oh, Twenty-one

I am back after about two months of not posting haha. Life has gotten quite busy (no not really, I just didn't have anything to write about). Hence, I thought I should write something relatable, more or less (sorry that it isn't photography related... again).

I'm turning 21 this year, and in our society, in the country that I live in, it's a big deal. One where the said person is obliged to hold a party with most of his/her close friends and everyone waits for about a few hours to watch the cake cutting ceremony. It's that big of a deal. But to me, it honestly is nothing more than another birthday, like any other year. I would think hitting 81 is more of a big deal, because I don't expect myself to live that long (with the amount of junk food I'm eating). But, I digress. That's not the point of why I'm writing this.

Turning 21 this year has had a sudden realization dawn on me - I'm old. Not senior citizens kind of old, but the I-really-should-be-finding-a-potential-partner kind of old. When I was still working part time last year at the cake cafe, this colleague of mine would always try and rush me to find a girlfriend. He emphasized multiple times a day that I need to start finding before I become too old. His logic was that you need at least 5 to 6 years of dating before you get married, and that if you take too long to find a girlfriend, you'll be 30+ when you finally settle down. At that point in time, I didn't take what he said to heart. Thirty years old just felt like it was nowhere near. Now, it's a different story. It honestly feels that thirty will hit me like a train before I know it, and there's a possibility that I might still be single by then. 

Which (kinda) leads me to what I want to talk about next, I want to love / date too. This has actually nothing to do with what I wrote above, but you readers should know me well enough to know that my paragraphs aren't always connected. I know it's barely a year since I broke up, but looking at couples everywhere can make a person feel lonely. Especially when one doesn't have much friends to talk to. Plus, the upcoming Valentine's Day isn't helping either. It comes to a point where I do consider trying to talk to girls on dating apps or even on the streets. Well, I did try dating apps, but I just couldn't find much topics to talk about with anyone. And I would never have the confidence to try and pick up girls on the street. It's just not my thing. Maybe I should consider blind dates at this point in time. It might be more effective. 

Oh, twenty-one, the age of wanting to date, to love. Yet I have no idea why I wish to do so. I say I would let nature take its course, but at the same time I want to rush it. I say I want to enjoy being single for a while after being in a relationship for so long, but there really isn't much to enjoy. I'm just filling the void with more emptiness. 

Twenty-one signifies something else as well, apart from relationships. It's a step closer to adulthood. It's a reminder that after serving the nation, I need to get a job and start earning my own keep. I used to have this plan, to work as a social worker for 10 years (till I burn out), then start my own photography business with the money I saved, before retiring at some old age and open a hobby shop. It sounded like a good idea till my uncle told me something. Being a photographer requires a long period of building connections, and portfolio. It's slow to take off. So why not start off the plan with being a photographer instead. And if it doesn't work out, I can go back to being a social worker. I thought that made a lot of sense. He said many other things, but I won't go into details. What he told me struck me, and it made me reconsider many things.

Indeed, if I wish to be a photographer, it's best to start now. But I wish I knew how. It's not like there exists a book somewhere out there that tells you how to. There probably is, but we all know it doesn't work. Where do I start? I've been asking myself this dozens of times since the conversation with my uncle. It probably has to start with me working on my portfolio first. I haven't taken much portraits after all. It probably has to start with me attending insta-meets to build up some connections as well. I don't know many people after all. But then comes the question, am I brave enough to take that step? I can tell myself that I want to be a photographer, yet when it comes to it, I lose the courage to take that step. I make up excuses that I'm too shy too introverted for things like this. But how am I going to do business if I'm introverted? 

Oh, twenty-one, give me the courage to take that step forward in this direction I wish to pursue. 

A Bittersweet 2016

As the year is coming to an end, I thought I'd write one last post for the year. 

It's been an absolutely amazing year if you ask me, despite the fact that my first half of 2016 was pretty shitty haha. Sure, I lost quite a bit of friends and I went through a break up. It was really dramatic for the first 5 months of the year. But looking back at it now, all I can do is just laugh at how silly everything was. There have been people who ask me how I can be so "chill" about the break up, though the truth is far from that. Thankfully, I had the best friend to help me pull through that tough period. And of course, it was nice to see that there are people concerned about me. Thanks guys :') But that's enough about the unkind things 2016 had for me.

Now, on to the good things that this year has given me, starting from the amazing people I've met at Flor Patisserie. Even though I've only worked for about two to three months there, but I won't deny that I had a hell of a time there. It was a part time job that I really enjoyed, and it was made better by the company (and cakes) there. I have to really thank Jimmy for all the fun I had there, I'd never forget his lewd and dirty jokes HAHA. While some people would find it offensive, I think it's an admirable thing to be able to express his thoughts so freely without being afraid of being judged. I feel that I learned something from him during my time there. 

If we're talking about 2016, then I can't leave out my enlistment, can I? It's been a real roller coaster throughout the past few months. I started out dreading army life, then I aspired to go for SCS like my many friends. Things were going quite smoothly till I injured my back, and then everything went down. I'm lucky to have been able to POP, but it really was a tough period when I was constantly on status, and knowing that I would never make it to SCS anymore. Long story short, I've accepted my fate and have decided to think of it as a good thing since I wanted to be able to spend more time with my family and SCS would have prevented that. Throughout my status life, I met Lee Koon and Sean Foo, who have become my status buddies. If it weren't for them, being on status would have been the most boring thing ever. But having them to talk to everyday made it more bearable.

This year is also the year where I finally got to dive into my hobbies entirely. You have no idea how happy I was when I found out that there were people I know who play card games still (Randell, Neo Guan, and Edgar). We might be a small group, but it's a community where I find great pleasure in. Growing up, playing with cards was my favourite thing to do, and I looked forward to it every time. It might be a costly hobby, but at least I'm enjoying what I'm doing, something which I couldn't do before due to the lack of friends to play with. Then there is the Nintendo 3DS that I bought as well. I've never owned a game console in my life before, other than a Gameboy Advance which was handed down to me from my cousin. It's something that's been on my bucket list for a long time, and to be able to finally check it off that list after so long, it feels like an achievement to me. Apart from games, there is photography as well. After working part time at Flor, I managed to save up enough to get myself a 35mm f/1.8G after getting a 50mm f/1.8G earlier this year. Which also means it's a complete set-up, having both the 35 and 50. I can now cover anything from street photography to portraiture and indoor events with these two lenses, so I'm hoping I'd have more opportunities to shoot next year. 

Lastly, it's also been a year of interpersonal relationships. Not in the sense of making new friends, but catching up with old friends and meeting my best friend (though I'll leave that for another post). For the past two years, I probably never had much time to catch up with my friends because reasons, but I'm glad that I have all the time in the world now to catch up with them. Be it my secondary school friends, or friends I've met along the way in poly, whether they are close friends or not. Of course, it makes me regret having neglected these friends of mine. So hopefully I won't do that again in future. Keyword: hopefully. Of course, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, I can't leave out my family. I won't say much for this one, but once again, I've realized the importance of family. 

All in all, my second half of 2016 more than made up for the pain and hurt I went through in the first half of the year. I'm thankful for everything that has happened so far, from the lessons I learned to the people I've met. 2016 was amazing, and I'm sure 2017 will be outstanding, no matter what is in stored for me. With that, Merry Christmas folks, I hope your 2016 was amazing as well.

Sean

A Winding Path

I picked up photography as a hobby a little over three years ago after being inspired by various photography accounts I saw on social media. I started off with an iPhone 4, simply snapping away randomly and following whatever the trendy shot was. I knew absolutely nothing about photography, but what I did know was that I enjoyed the very process of taking photos. There was something about clicking the shutter button that captivated me. It drew me in more and more each day.

In my second year of Poly, I was lucky enough to study a short 6 weeks long module on photojournalism. It was this very module that fueled my enthusiasm in photography and changed my way of taking photographs for good. I was introduced to street photography and documentary photography officially here, and it was also where my lecturer introduced the DigitalRev TV channel to us so that we could learn more on our own. It was at this point in my life where I loved the saying of "beauty can be found in the everyday mundane", and even until today, I still live by that quote. It changed the way I saw things from then on. 

Following the end of my photojournalism module, I spent hours each day watching DigitalRev TV videos for the months to come. That was when I slowly grew more and more interested in not just photography but cameras as well. I discovered a side of myself that I never knew that I had - an ultra geeky side. I watched reviews after reviews, and learned some basic information about cameras (both useful ones and not so useful ones). From DSLRS to mirrorless to film cameras, I found myself becoming more enthusiastic about this form of art. I also spent almost everyday taking photos on the street with my trusty iPhone 4. It just so happened that there was a free class on Skillshare by street photographer, Trashhand on street photography. I signed up for it and decided to learn more about street photography, given that it was what I was most interested in at that point of time. 

After about 6 months, I decided that I wanted to get a DSLR as my passion for photography and cameras grew. Using DRTV's videos, I did my research on the different cameras. Eventually, I settled on the Nikon D5500 as there was no need for a full frame camera for a hobbyist. Budget was much more important. And besides, to quote Zack Arias, "the difference between a crop sensor and a full frame is negligible".

But of course, not knowing anything about the exposure triangle, I didn't know how to use my camera at all. My dad (who used to be a photographer) had to come in and teach me what ISO, shutter speed, and aperture were, and how they set the exposure. I could have taken the easy route and went with full auto, but being the enthusiastic kid I was, I wanted to learn the art properly. I went out on the streets and adjusted the settings constantly according to the amount of light, so that I could master the exposure settings. 

I was only interested in street photography for the longest time, learning from the works of Henri Cartier Bresson, Erik Kim, Nguan, etc. That was until I tried film for the first time. My dad had repaired his old Nikon FM2 recently, so I thought I'd buy a roll of film and played around with it. Usually, people get film cameras to shoot on the street. But for me, since I only had that 36 shots, I did not want to waste it on street shooting. These were photos that would be printed after all. I didn't want to have any mis-shots. Hence, I used it mainly for portraits. It was an entirely different territory from street photography, which is to say, it wasn't in my comfort zone. I was unable to really take any good portraits since I was used to street photography, and it felt really discouraging. Yet at the same time, I felt compelled to do better. It was like a challenge to myself to become better at portraiture photography. I sought inspirations from Kinfolk magazines, Nirav Patel, Hideaki Hamada, and Benjamin Heath. These are photographers whom I deeply admire them for their portraits. There are without a doubt much more amazing portrait photographers out there, but these are my top three portrait photographers. They each have their own style of taking portraits, and I learned to the best of my abilities from looking through their photographs. 

Before long, I slowly shifted away from street photography and more towards portraiture. The shift was almost natural, as if it was meant to happen eventually. However, that doesn't mean I've forgotten my roots in street photography / photojournalism. I still apply the rules of "beauty in the everyday mundane" and the element of documenting in my portraits up to today, and I will continue to apply them in the future. 

I'd never thought of pursuing photography as anything more than a hobby. But after two to three years of taking photos, a small desire has lit up in my heart. I want to become a professional photographer in the future. I'm not sure what kind, but it'll most likely be related to portraiture. The path I'm trying to embark on would most probably be a rough one, and I'm unsure of what the future holds for me, so I'm just going to take life one step at a time and see if I will ever get there. 

Overcoming my Slump

I had the opportunity to help my cousin take some photos at his daughter's first birthday party recently, and I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about it. 

I mentioned in a previous post that I was going through a slump in my photography, so I wasn't exactly confident of helping him document this event. But since he'd already asked, I didn't have the heart to turn him down and decided to do my best. He lent me his Nikon D750 equipped with the Nikkor 35 mm f/1.8G, which was amazing of course. It was my first time handling a full frame camera so I was very excited. My first impression of the camera was "Damn, this thing is heavy." My second thought was "Now how do I actually adjust the settings? It's entirely different from my D5500." After much fiddling and help from my cousin, I finally managed to adjust the settings. For fear of messing up the photos (since it's been quite a while since I touched a camera), I used the Aperture Priority mode to ensure that the photos were properly exposed. 

Also, I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned it before here, but I'm extremely used to the 50 mm focal length (which is also why I got a 50 mm f/1.8G and not the 35 mm). It took quite a bit of adjusting to get used to the wideness of the 35 mm, especially when there is no crop factor unlike my D5500. But of course, I was thankful for the wide focal length since we were indoors and space was extremely tight. To be honest, it was a very comfortable yet uncomfortable focal length. Instead of having to take steps back because of the lack of space, I had to take steps forward this time to fill up the frames. So in a way, I didn't have to bend my back into a very awkward position like I always do with a 50. But it was uncomfortable to a certain extent because it means that I have to get closer to my subjects, which isn't something I'm used to. Nonetheless, I was thankful for the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone since I don't get much opportunities to do so. 

Using a 35 mm means that portraits turn out very different from those taken with a 50 mm, though not necessarily in a bad way. While I like the bokehlicious photos from a 50 mm, the wide 35 mm gives me the chance to incorporate more of the environment into portraits. I have to admit, it was pretty fun taking portraits differently from what I'm used to. I was happy with how most of the photos turned out, despite there being no bokeh at all. 

Now onto the more important point. I felt that this was exactly what I needed to get myself out of the slump - the chance to document an event. It's something that I've been wanting to do for a long time but never had the chance to. So I'm really thankful that my cousin gave me this chance even if it was just a small party that lasted for only a short while. (And now I want to get a 35 mm f/1.8G as well)

PS: I actually don't have any of the photographs with me since it was taken on his camera. I'm just glad I got to do some documenting haha. 

Cheer up!

I'm starting a new segment, "Song of the day", on this blog. And today's song is none other than Twice's 'Cheer Up'! I'm just kidding about the segment thing. I merely wanted to share this amazing song over on my blog.

If you're having a bad day, I hope this song and video cheers you up slightly. If you're going through a rough patch in life, perhaps Twice would be able to give you strength and cheer you up like it did for me.

Much Needed Updates

Hello folks, it feels like a long time since I wrote anything so here's a mini update post (I suppose). Life has gotten fairly busy for me since I've been working part time at a cake cafe near my place for the past 2 to 3 months. Though it was difficult in the beginning (with it being my first F&B job and all), I've gotten used to the operations by now. I've got to thank Mama Audrey for suggesting to me to try working at a cafe, because I would never have done so otherwise hahaha. It has honestly been a pretty good experience and I've met some amazing people as well. 

I've also been in a slump (photography wise) for the past few months as well, which is why you don't see much photographs from me these days. I don't look at it as a bad thing, but more of a chance to take a break from taking photos for a while and do some other stuffs. I read a really good article by Eric Kim regarding this issue, and it helped me to sort out my thinking. So yes, I'm currently taking a break from photography. Of course, if I see something nice, I would still take a photo of it. I just don't go out of my way to go take photographs like before. Photography is about capturing the moments in life, and I may have forgotten that somewhere along the way. Hence this slump might be the perfect chance for me to remember this principle before I pick up my camera again. 

I met my best friend recently and we were talking about how I'm into Twice these days (more on that later) when he told me that I'm synonymous with K-pop (among our friends of course); the first thing that comes to his mind when the word 'Sean' comes up is K-pop and vice versa. I realized one thing at that time, and it's that I've been so out of touch with the K-pop scene for the past year. I'm not sure when it started, but I'd been gradually losing interest in Korean music, dramas, and variety shows. In fact, I'd been losing interest in a lot of things. Maybe it's just a sign of growing up, or that I've lost the direction / purpose in my life. It's more likely the latter than the former haha. Regardless, I don't think that it's a good thing for one to lose interest in almost everything that one used to like. It is after all, a symptom of depression and should not be treated lightly. 

I'm getting off track again, what I really wanted to say was that Twice (JYP's new girl group) has got me sucked right back in into the K-pop scene again. Ever since my bro, Chee Xiong showed me their "Cheer Up" music video in an attempt to cheer me up about two months ago, I've become a huge fan of theirs. It's a little far fetched, but in a way, I feel like Twice has saved me. I would probably be living my life like a zombie otherwise, with nothing to look forward to, and having no interest in anything. Well, I guess I'm still slowly trying to get my shit together. I'll just take it one step at a time, starting with Twice.

On a much much lighter note, Melvin brought me to this authentic Korean restaurant, "The Gogi", today after our 2.4 KM training. I had Tofu Jjigae and I just have to say this, it's honestly the best Korean food I've had in Singapore. I'm no foodie expert, so I don't have the right vocabulary to describe the food, but just know that it's different from the average Korean food you eat in Singapore. The soup actually has depth in its flavours, not just the taste of chili. Coupled with the fact that they give you 7 different plates of side dishes and a huge television screen broadcasting Korean variety shows, it's simply amazing. I know where I'm going from now on if I ever crave for Korean food. 

Well, that's all for now folks. 

Self-improvement

If you've been reading this blog frequently or have seen some of my previous posts, you might know how much I like going to the beach. I was at the beach again with my family recently and I thought I'd post some photos from that day. Decided to change everything into black and white because it feels more raw? 

But on a side note, I'll be taking a break from all of my social media for an indefinite period by deleting all of the apps from my phone. A year ago, around this same time, I did the same thing though I could never delete Instagram from my phone. Back then it was because I was getting too addicted to social media, hence the decision. This time, I decided to delete all of them from my phone but for a different reason. I feel like it has been inhibiting my creativity and life to a certain extent even if I'm not using it extensively. It's also a way to stop myself from using my phone so often, and only use it for essential purposes. I will just take this time to focus more on my photography and writing, and hopefully it helps me improve. And maybe I'll try picking up Japanese again after 6 years. Learning a new language is always a good thing and never bad right? Though the sight of the Japanese alphabets is enough to scare me, nonetheless, I'll just give it a shot and see how it goes. 

I'll continue to post over here every once in a while I suppose, that is if I have anything to post. 

A New Beginning

It's been about a month and a half. 

I'm still slowly letting go and moving on.

Though it hurt a lot in the beginning, 

it's starting to hurt less with each passing day. 

-

After finally getting my shit together (thank you Randell), I've started working part-time at a cafe that sells cakes near my place. My first week of work went quite well and smoothly. It wasn't as difficult or boring as I thought it would be. In fact, there were quite a few enjoyable moments, like learning to tie a ribbon on a cake. I never thought I would have so much laughter trying to learn to tie a ribbon. It feels like I've hit a restart button for my life, so here's to a new beginning. And well, I made a friend at my workplace, so that's a good start to this new beginning right?