I am back after about two months of not posting haha. Life has gotten quite busy (no not really, I just didn't have anything to write about). Hence, I thought I should write something relatable, more or less (sorry that it isn't photography related... again).
I'm turning 21 this year, and in our society, in the country that I live in, it's a big deal. One where the said person is obliged to hold a party with most of his/her close friends and everyone waits for about a few hours to watch the cake cutting ceremony. It's that big of a deal. But to me, it honestly is nothing more than another birthday, like any other year. I would think hitting 81 is more of a big deal, because I don't expect myself to live that long (with the amount of junk food I'm eating). But, I digress. That's not the point of why I'm writing this.
Turning 21 this year has had a sudden realization dawn on me - I'm old. Not senior citizens kind of old, but the I-really-should-be-finding-a-potential-partner kind of old. When I was still working part time last year at the cake cafe, this colleague of mine would always try and rush me to find a girlfriend. He emphasized multiple times a day that I need to start finding before I become too old. His logic was that you need at least 5 to 6 years of dating before you get married, and that if you take too long to find a girlfriend, you'll be 30+ when you finally settle down. At that point in time, I didn't take what he said to heart. Thirty years old just felt like it was nowhere near. Now, it's a different story. It honestly feels that thirty will hit me like a train before I know it, and there's a possibility that I might still be single by then.
Which (kinda) leads me to what I want to talk about next, I want to love / date too. This has actually nothing to do with what I wrote above, but you readers should know me well enough to know that my paragraphs aren't always connected. I know it's barely a year since I broke up, but looking at couples everywhere can make a person feel lonely. Especially when one doesn't have much friends to talk to. Plus, the upcoming Valentine's Day isn't helping either. It comes to a point where I do consider trying to talk to girls on dating apps or even on the streets. Well, I did try dating apps, but I just couldn't find much topics to talk about with anyone. And I would never have the confidence to try and pick up girls on the street. It's just not my thing. Maybe I should consider blind dates at this point in time. It might be more effective.
Oh, twenty-one, the age of wanting to date, to love. Yet I have no idea why I wish to do so. I say I would let nature take its course, but at the same time I want to rush it. I say I want to enjoy being single for a while after being in a relationship for so long, but there really isn't much to enjoy. I'm just filling the void with more emptiness.
Twenty-one signifies something else as well, apart from relationships. It's a step closer to adulthood. It's a reminder that after serving the nation, I need to get a job and start earning my own keep. I used to have this plan, to work as a social worker for 10 years (till I burn out), then start my own photography business with the money I saved, before retiring at some old age and open a hobby shop. It sounded like a good idea till my uncle told me something. Being a photographer requires a long period of building connections, and portfolio. It's slow to take off. So why not start off the plan with being a photographer instead. And if it doesn't work out, I can go back to being a social worker. I thought that made a lot of sense. He said many other things, but I won't go into details. What he told me struck me, and it made me reconsider many things.
Indeed, if I wish to be a photographer, it's best to start now. But I wish I knew how. It's not like there exists a book somewhere out there that tells you how to. There probably is, but we all know it doesn't work. Where do I start? I've been asking myself this dozens of times since the conversation with my uncle. It probably has to start with me working on my portfolio first. I haven't taken much portraits after all. It probably has to start with me attending insta-meets to build up some connections as well. I don't know many people after all. But then comes the question, am I brave enough to take that step? I can tell myself that I want to be a photographer, yet when it comes to it, I lose the courage to take that step. I make up excuses that I'm too shy too introverted for things like this. But how am I going to do business if I'm introverted?
Oh, twenty-one, give me the courage to take that step forward in this direction I wish to pursue.
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