Best Friend

We all have this one person in our lives we call our best friend. That one person whom we turn to in times of need, whom we confide our deepest and darkest secrets to, and the person we can be weird and completely honest with. Some times, this person is closer to us than our family. You might even spend so much time together that your significant other gets jealous. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. They don't hold back on the insults and the burns. But you don't get affected by it, because you'll be throwing something stronger back at them. There won't be any hard feelings at the end of it. Such is the meaning of a best friend. 

For me, this man in the photo here is my best friend. We were classmates in polytechnic. And to be very honest, we hardly spoke to each other for the first one and a half years of school (apart from group projects). Strange enough, we were grouped together for almost every single group project. The funny thing was that all the groupings were assigned by luck, with our teacher drawing lots in front of us. Some call it fate, I suppose. Till today, I still don't know how we started talking and became friends. But halfway through our final semester, I chose to call him and talk to him about my (then) relationship problems. Out of nowhere. Back then, all we talked about were projects and school related stuffs. After that dinner and talk, our friendship somehow bloomed. The perfect partners in crime. I guess the funniest part of this friendship is that I never liked him when we were in year one, at 17. The reason is embarrassing so I shan't say it. So yes, things turned out the way it did, and we started sharing more heart to heart talks and playing children card games. 

The guy's always in black. Always.

I don't think you'll find much people with a fully black wardrobe these days, but his clothes are 99% black. Amazing, isn't it? I remember thinking if he had yet to get out of the teenage-emo phase when I first met him. Hard not to think this way when his fringe covered half his face and he was decked in black. Plus, his earpiece which was screaming metal music didn't help either. He'd disappear during lunch time to eat on his own, and would magically teleport out of the classroom without anyone knowing when classes were over. He wouldn't say much, even when lecturers asked him to answer questions. All in all, he was a guy surrounded by mystery. And without a doubt, he attracted most of the girls' attention in class.

He's probably the complete opposite of me. I like colored clothing, and I listen to K-pop like there's no tomorrow. Anybody who sees the two of us would most likely assume we wouldn't click. Perhaps it was that one lunch we had with another friend of ours after class. I'd skipped lessons in the morning as I was feeling wrecked on the inside, and these two thought that it'd be appropriate to talk to me. We discovered our common interests of card games that we played in our childhood that very day, the three of us. We talked, and laughed. It felt good to finally find people who played those games as I did. 

Stares to the left

Stares to the right.

I have never found it easy to tell anyone about my problems, not even my family. But I'm glad I found a friend that I can feel comfortable in confiding in. So friends, if you ever find someone whom you can actually tell everything to, cherish that friend of yours. You might never get another chance to meet someone like that again. 

-

I should probably provide some background information about the photos as well. The photos were taken quite awhile back, so my memory is a little fuzzy.

We went out that day specifically to take photos, because I'd recently gotten a 35 mm lens and I was dying to try it for portraits. I brought both the 50 mm and the 35 mm, and we headed out to Sentosa. I bet you thought it was some forest like Coney Island, but sorry to disappoint you, it's only Sentosa. To be honest, I had nowhere in mind to take the photos so we just wandered around like lost tourists. We found a nice log in the middle of nowhere with plenty of foliage so we thought, why not just shoot here? It seems apt for a shoot after all. But because Randell was pretty stiff and awkward around the camera, and I wasn't used to directing, so it was pretty tough at first. As we went on with the session, it got more comfortable and I'd gotten a grasp on how best to capture his portraits. I figured that it was most natural for him to stare into space instead of the camera. Which is why most of the photos are of him staring left or right. I tried to sneak in a couple of shots when he laughed as well. My street photography skills have been applied well. 

Shoot Something Worth Keeping

Shooting on film does not equate to shooting street photography instantly.

Over the past two years, every time I see a photographer who is trying film for the first time, he / she will always shoot street photography (well 99% of the time). Sure, the most well known street photographer, Henri Cartier-Bresson shot everything on film, and most of the iconic street photographs that we know of were shot on film. But we can't just instantly pair the two together. It doesn't do film justice.

Of course, if the photographer was a street photographer to begin with, I wouldn't comment much. The thing is that most of these photographers who are trying film for the first time tend to be portrait, or landscape / cityscape shooters. So it kinda confuses me as to why they would want to do street photography all of a sudden while using film for the first time. Let's be honest here, a DSLR would get the job done far more easily if one is attempting street photography for the first time. 

Film is more than just street photography (contrary to popular belief). I just felt that this needed to be said. In fact, if one is using film for the first time, it might be more advisable to use it for landscapes and portraits instead. That is because you don't want to be fumbling around with your settings and your focusing on the streets. And you most certainly don't want to dial down your aperture to f/8 just to save time on focusing as you'll lose exposure and bokeh. With the convenience that DSLRs have brought us, it's no surprise that many (if not most) photographers have been using it on auto or aperture priority mode the whole time. Fun fact, I do use aperture priority some times when I'm lazy too, so I'm not bashing on them. What's worse than bringing a huge DSLR out to do street photography is holding a camera there and fumbling around with it as you miss shot after shot and end up making everyone around you uncomfortable as they discover your presence. I'm going off topic again, happens every post doesn't it?

So yes, I will never understand why anyone would spend so much money on the film and the developing of film on bad street photos (out of focus subjects, blurry photos, etc.) when one could take the time to shoot some decent portraits with it. You'll be developing the photos and will most likely be keeping it, why not shoot something worth keeping?

[I'm sorry if this seems to be a rant (nope not sorry at all), just wanted to put it out there. And I'm trying out a new font~]

Oh, Twenty-one

I am back after about two months of not posting haha. Life has gotten quite busy (no not really, I just didn't have anything to write about). Hence, I thought I should write something relatable, more or less (sorry that it isn't photography related... again).

I'm turning 21 this year, and in our society, in the country that I live in, it's a big deal. One where the said person is obliged to hold a party with most of his/her close friends and everyone waits for about a few hours to watch the cake cutting ceremony. It's that big of a deal. But to me, it honestly is nothing more than another birthday, like any other year. I would think hitting 81 is more of a big deal, because I don't expect myself to live that long (with the amount of junk food I'm eating). But, I digress. That's not the point of why I'm writing this.

Turning 21 this year has had a sudden realization dawn on me - I'm old. Not senior citizens kind of old, but the I-really-should-be-finding-a-potential-partner kind of old. When I was still working part time last year at the cake cafe, this colleague of mine would always try and rush me to find a girlfriend. He emphasized multiple times a day that I need to start finding before I become too old. His logic was that you need at least 5 to 6 years of dating before you get married, and that if you take too long to find a girlfriend, you'll be 30+ when you finally settle down. At that point in time, I didn't take what he said to heart. Thirty years old just felt like it was nowhere near. Now, it's a different story. It honestly feels that thirty will hit me like a train before I know it, and there's a possibility that I might still be single by then. 

Which (kinda) leads me to what I want to talk about next, I want to love / date too. This has actually nothing to do with what I wrote above, but you readers should know me well enough to know that my paragraphs aren't always connected. I know it's barely a year since I broke up, but looking at couples everywhere can make a person feel lonely. Especially when one doesn't have much friends to talk to. Plus, the upcoming Valentine's Day isn't helping either. It comes to a point where I do consider trying to talk to girls on dating apps or even on the streets. Well, I did try dating apps, but I just couldn't find much topics to talk about with anyone. And I would never have the confidence to try and pick up girls on the street. It's just not my thing. Maybe I should consider blind dates at this point in time. It might be more effective. 

Oh, twenty-one, the age of wanting to date, to love. Yet I have no idea why I wish to do so. I say I would let nature take its course, but at the same time I want to rush it. I say I want to enjoy being single for a while after being in a relationship for so long, but there really isn't much to enjoy. I'm just filling the void with more emptiness. 

Twenty-one signifies something else as well, apart from relationships. It's a step closer to adulthood. It's a reminder that after serving the nation, I need to get a job and start earning my own keep. I used to have this plan, to work as a social worker for 10 years (till I burn out), then start my own photography business with the money I saved, before retiring at some old age and open a hobby shop. It sounded like a good idea till my uncle told me something. Being a photographer requires a long period of building connections, and portfolio. It's slow to take off. So why not start off the plan with being a photographer instead. And if it doesn't work out, I can go back to being a social worker. I thought that made a lot of sense. He said many other things, but I won't go into details. What he told me struck me, and it made me reconsider many things.

Indeed, if I wish to be a photographer, it's best to start now. But I wish I knew how. It's not like there exists a book somewhere out there that tells you how to. There probably is, but we all know it doesn't work. Where do I start? I've been asking myself this dozens of times since the conversation with my uncle. It probably has to start with me working on my portfolio first. I haven't taken much portraits after all. It probably has to start with me attending insta-meets to build up some connections as well. I don't know many people after all. But then comes the question, am I brave enough to take that step? I can tell myself that I want to be a photographer, yet when it comes to it, I lose the courage to take that step. I make up excuses that I'm too shy too introverted for things like this. But how am I going to do business if I'm introverted? 

Oh, twenty-one, give me the courage to take that step forward in this direction I wish to pursue.