A Bittersweet 2016

As the year is coming to an end, I thought I'd write one last post for the year. 

It's been an absolutely amazing year if you ask me, despite the fact that my first half of 2016 was pretty shitty haha. Sure, I lost quite a bit of friends and I went through a break up. It was really dramatic for the first 5 months of the year. But looking back at it now, all I can do is just laugh at how silly everything was. There have been people who ask me how I can be so "chill" about the break up, though the truth is far from that. Thankfully, I had the best friend to help me pull through that tough period. And of course, it was nice to see that there are people concerned about me. Thanks guys :') But that's enough about the unkind things 2016 had for me.

Now, on to the good things that this year has given me, starting from the amazing people I've met at Flor Patisserie. Even though I've only worked for about two to three months there, but I won't deny that I had a hell of a time there. It was a part time job that I really enjoyed, and it was made better by the company (and cakes) there. I have to really thank Jimmy for all the fun I had there, I'd never forget his lewd and dirty jokes HAHA. While some people would find it offensive, I think it's an admirable thing to be able to express his thoughts so freely without being afraid of being judged. I feel that I learned something from him during my time there. 

If we're talking about 2016, then I can't leave out my enlistment, can I? It's been a real roller coaster throughout the past few months. I started out dreading army life, then I aspired to go for SCS like my many friends. Things were going quite smoothly till I injured my back, and then everything went down. I'm lucky to have been able to POP, but it really was a tough period when I was constantly on status, and knowing that I would never make it to SCS anymore. Long story short, I've accepted my fate and have decided to think of it as a good thing since I wanted to be able to spend more time with my family and SCS would have prevented that. Throughout my status life, I met Lee Koon and Sean Foo, who have become my status buddies. If it weren't for them, being on status would have been the most boring thing ever. But having them to talk to everyday made it more bearable.

This year is also the year where I finally got to dive into my hobbies entirely. You have no idea how happy I was when I found out that there were people I know who play card games still (Randell, Neo Guan, and Edgar). We might be a small group, but it's a community where I find great pleasure in. Growing up, playing with cards was my favourite thing to do, and I looked forward to it every time. It might be a costly hobby, but at least I'm enjoying what I'm doing, something which I couldn't do before due to the lack of friends to play with. Then there is the Nintendo 3DS that I bought as well. I've never owned a game console in my life before, other than a Gameboy Advance which was handed down to me from my cousin. It's something that's been on my bucket list for a long time, and to be able to finally check it off that list after so long, it feels like an achievement to me. Apart from games, there is photography as well. After working part time at Flor, I managed to save up enough to get myself a 35mm f/1.8G after getting a 50mm f/1.8G earlier this year. Which also means it's a complete set-up, having both the 35 and 50. I can now cover anything from street photography to portraiture and indoor events with these two lenses, so I'm hoping I'd have more opportunities to shoot next year. 

Lastly, it's also been a year of interpersonal relationships. Not in the sense of making new friends, but catching up with old friends and meeting my best friend (though I'll leave that for another post). For the past two years, I probably never had much time to catch up with my friends because reasons, but I'm glad that I have all the time in the world now to catch up with them. Be it my secondary school friends, or friends I've met along the way in poly, whether they are close friends or not. Of course, it makes me regret having neglected these friends of mine. So hopefully I won't do that again in future. Keyword: hopefully. Of course, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, I can't leave out my family. I won't say much for this one, but once again, I've realized the importance of family. 

All in all, my second half of 2016 more than made up for the pain and hurt I went through in the first half of the year. I'm thankful for everything that has happened so far, from the lessons I learned to the people I've met. 2016 was amazing, and I'm sure 2017 will be outstanding, no matter what is in stored for me. With that, Merry Christmas folks, I hope your 2016 was amazing as well.

Sean

A Winding Path

I picked up photography as a hobby a little over three years ago after being inspired by various photography accounts I saw on social media. I started off with an iPhone 4, simply snapping away randomly and following whatever the trendy shot was. I knew absolutely nothing about photography, but what I did know was that I enjoyed the very process of taking photos. There was something about clicking the shutter button that captivated me. It drew me in more and more each day.

In my second year of Poly, I was lucky enough to study a short 6 weeks long module on photojournalism. It was this very module that fueled my enthusiasm in photography and changed my way of taking photographs for good. I was introduced to street photography and documentary photography officially here, and it was also where my lecturer introduced the DigitalRev TV channel to us so that we could learn more on our own. It was at this point in my life where I loved the saying of "beauty can be found in the everyday mundane", and even until today, I still live by that quote. It changed the way I saw things from then on. 

Following the end of my photojournalism module, I spent hours each day watching DigitalRev TV videos for the months to come. That was when I slowly grew more and more interested in not just photography but cameras as well. I discovered a side of myself that I never knew that I had - an ultra geeky side. I watched reviews after reviews, and learned some basic information about cameras (both useful ones and not so useful ones). From DSLRS to mirrorless to film cameras, I found myself becoming more enthusiastic about this form of art. I also spent almost everyday taking photos on the street with my trusty iPhone 4. It just so happened that there was a free class on Skillshare by street photographer, Trashhand on street photography. I signed up for it and decided to learn more about street photography, given that it was what I was most interested in at that point of time. 

After about 6 months, I decided that I wanted to get a DSLR as my passion for photography and cameras grew. Using DRTV's videos, I did my research on the different cameras. Eventually, I settled on the Nikon D5500 as there was no need for a full frame camera for a hobbyist. Budget was much more important. And besides, to quote Zack Arias, "the difference between a crop sensor and a full frame is negligible".

But of course, not knowing anything about the exposure triangle, I didn't know how to use my camera at all. My dad (who used to be a photographer) had to come in and teach me what ISO, shutter speed, and aperture were, and how they set the exposure. I could have taken the easy route and went with full auto, but being the enthusiastic kid I was, I wanted to learn the art properly. I went out on the streets and adjusted the settings constantly according to the amount of light, so that I could master the exposure settings. 

I was only interested in street photography for the longest time, learning from the works of Henri Cartier Bresson, Erik Kim, Nguan, etc. That was until I tried film for the first time. My dad had repaired his old Nikon FM2 recently, so I thought I'd buy a roll of film and played around with it. Usually, people get film cameras to shoot on the street. But for me, since I only had that 36 shots, I did not want to waste it on street shooting. These were photos that would be printed after all. I didn't want to have any mis-shots. Hence, I used it mainly for portraits. It was an entirely different territory from street photography, which is to say, it wasn't in my comfort zone. I was unable to really take any good portraits since I was used to street photography, and it felt really discouraging. Yet at the same time, I felt compelled to do better. It was like a challenge to myself to become better at portraiture photography. I sought inspirations from Kinfolk magazines, Nirav Patel, Hideaki Hamada, and Benjamin Heath. These are photographers whom I deeply admire them for their portraits. There are without a doubt much more amazing portrait photographers out there, but these are my top three portrait photographers. They each have their own style of taking portraits, and I learned to the best of my abilities from looking through their photographs. 

Before long, I slowly shifted away from street photography and more towards portraiture. The shift was almost natural, as if it was meant to happen eventually. However, that doesn't mean I've forgotten my roots in street photography / photojournalism. I still apply the rules of "beauty in the everyday mundane" and the element of documenting in my portraits up to today, and I will continue to apply them in the future. 

I'd never thought of pursuing photography as anything more than a hobby. But after two to three years of taking photos, a small desire has lit up in my heart. I want to become a professional photographer in the future. I'm not sure what kind, but it'll most likely be related to portraiture. The path I'm trying to embark on would most probably be a rough one, and I'm unsure of what the future holds for me, so I'm just going to take life one step at a time and see if I will ever get there. 

Overcoming my Slump

I had the opportunity to help my cousin take some photos at his daughter's first birthday party recently, and I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about it. 

I mentioned in a previous post that I was going through a slump in my photography, so I wasn't exactly confident of helping him document this event. But since he'd already asked, I didn't have the heart to turn him down and decided to do my best. He lent me his Nikon D750 equipped with the Nikkor 35 mm f/1.8G, which was amazing of course. It was my first time handling a full frame camera so I was very excited. My first impression of the camera was "Damn, this thing is heavy." My second thought was "Now how do I actually adjust the settings? It's entirely different from my D5500." After much fiddling and help from my cousin, I finally managed to adjust the settings. For fear of messing up the photos (since it's been quite a while since I touched a camera), I used the Aperture Priority mode to ensure that the photos were properly exposed. 

Also, I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned it before here, but I'm extremely used to the 50 mm focal length (which is also why I got a 50 mm f/1.8G and not the 35 mm). It took quite a bit of adjusting to get used to the wideness of the 35 mm, especially when there is no crop factor unlike my D5500. But of course, I was thankful for the wide focal length since we were indoors and space was extremely tight. To be honest, it was a very comfortable yet uncomfortable focal length. Instead of having to take steps back because of the lack of space, I had to take steps forward this time to fill up the frames. So in a way, I didn't have to bend my back into a very awkward position like I always do with a 50. But it was uncomfortable to a certain extent because it means that I have to get closer to my subjects, which isn't something I'm used to. Nonetheless, I was thankful for the opportunity to step out of my comfort zone since I don't get much opportunities to do so. 

Using a 35 mm means that portraits turn out very different from those taken with a 50 mm, though not necessarily in a bad way. While I like the bokehlicious photos from a 50 mm, the wide 35 mm gives me the chance to incorporate more of the environment into portraits. I have to admit, it was pretty fun taking portraits differently from what I'm used to. I was happy with how most of the photos turned out, despite there being no bokeh at all. 

Now onto the more important point. I felt that this was exactly what I needed to get myself out of the slump - the chance to document an event. It's something that I've been wanting to do for a long time but never had the chance to. So I'm really thankful that my cousin gave me this chance even if it was just a small party that lasted for only a short while. (And now I want to get a 35 mm f/1.8G as well)

PS: I actually don't have any of the photographs with me since it was taken on his camera. I'm just glad I got to do some documenting haha. 

Cheer up!

I'm starting a new segment, "Song of the day", on this blog. And today's song is none other than Twice's 'Cheer Up'! I'm just kidding about the segment thing. I merely wanted to share this amazing song over on my blog.

If you're having a bad day, I hope this song and video cheers you up slightly. If you're going through a rough patch in life, perhaps Twice would be able to give you strength and cheer you up like it did for me.

Much Needed Updates

Hello folks, it feels like a long time since I wrote anything so here's a mini update post (I suppose). Life has gotten fairly busy for me since I've been working part time at a cake cafe near my place for the past 2 to 3 months. Though it was difficult in the beginning (with it being my first F&B job and all), I've gotten used to the operations by now. I've got to thank Mama Audrey for suggesting to me to try working at a cafe, because I would never have done so otherwise hahaha. It has honestly been a pretty good experience and I've met some amazing people as well. 

I've also been in a slump (photography wise) for the past few months as well, which is why you don't see much photographs from me these days. I don't look at it as a bad thing, but more of a chance to take a break from taking photos for a while and do some other stuffs. I read a really good article by Eric Kim regarding this issue, and it helped me to sort out my thinking. So yes, I'm currently taking a break from photography. Of course, if I see something nice, I would still take a photo of it. I just don't go out of my way to go take photographs like before. Photography is about capturing the moments in life, and I may have forgotten that somewhere along the way. Hence this slump might be the perfect chance for me to remember this principle before I pick up my camera again. 

I met my best friend recently and we were talking about how I'm into Twice these days (more on that later) when he told me that I'm synonymous with K-pop (among our friends of course); the first thing that comes to his mind when the word 'Sean' comes up is K-pop and vice versa. I realized one thing at that time, and it's that I've been so out of touch with the K-pop scene for the past year. I'm not sure when it started, but I'd been gradually losing interest in Korean music, dramas, and variety shows. In fact, I'd been losing interest in a lot of things. Maybe it's just a sign of growing up, or that I've lost the direction / purpose in my life. It's more likely the latter than the former haha. Regardless, I don't think that it's a good thing for one to lose interest in almost everything that one used to like. It is after all, a symptom of depression and should not be treated lightly. 

I'm getting off track again, what I really wanted to say was that Twice (JYP's new girl group) has got me sucked right back in into the K-pop scene again. Ever since my bro, Chee Xiong showed me their "Cheer Up" music video in an attempt to cheer me up about two months ago, I've become a huge fan of theirs. It's a little far fetched, but in a way, I feel like Twice has saved me. I would probably be living my life like a zombie otherwise, with nothing to look forward to, and having no interest in anything. Well, I guess I'm still slowly trying to get my shit together. I'll just take it one step at a time, starting with Twice.

On a much much lighter note, Melvin brought me to this authentic Korean restaurant, "The Gogi", today after our 2.4 KM training. I had Tofu Jjigae and I just have to say this, it's honestly the best Korean food I've had in Singapore. I'm no foodie expert, so I don't have the right vocabulary to describe the food, but just know that it's different from the average Korean food you eat in Singapore. The soup actually has depth in its flavours, not just the taste of chili. Coupled with the fact that they give you 7 different plates of side dishes and a huge television screen broadcasting Korean variety shows, it's simply amazing. I know where I'm going from now on if I ever crave for Korean food. 

Well, that's all for now folks. 

Self-improvement

If you've been reading this blog frequently or have seen some of my previous posts, you might know how much I like going to the beach. I was at the beach again with my family recently and I thought I'd post some photos from that day. Decided to change everything into black and white because it feels more raw? 

But on a side note, I'll be taking a break from all of my social media for an indefinite period by deleting all of the apps from my phone. A year ago, around this same time, I did the same thing though I could never delete Instagram from my phone. Back then it was because I was getting too addicted to social media, hence the decision. This time, I decided to delete all of them from my phone but for a different reason. I feel like it has been inhibiting my creativity and life to a certain extent even if I'm not using it extensively. It's also a way to stop myself from using my phone so often, and only use it for essential purposes. I will just take this time to focus more on my photography and writing, and hopefully it helps me improve. And maybe I'll try picking up Japanese again after 6 years. Learning a new language is always a good thing and never bad right? Though the sight of the Japanese alphabets is enough to scare me, nonetheless, I'll just give it a shot and see how it goes. 

I'll continue to post over here every once in a while I suppose, that is if I have anything to post. 

A New Beginning

It's been about a month and a half. 

I'm still slowly letting go and moving on.

Though it hurt a lot in the beginning, 

it's starting to hurt less with each passing day. 

-

After finally getting my shit together (thank you Randell), I've started working part-time at a cafe that sells cakes near my place. My first week of work went quite well and smoothly. It wasn't as difficult or boring as I thought it would be. In fact, there were quite a few enjoyable moments, like learning to tie a ribbon on a cake. I never thought I would have so much laughter trying to learn to tie a ribbon. It feels like I've hit a restart button for my life, so here's to a new beginning. And well, I made a friend at my workplace, so that's a good start to this new beginning right?

Graduated

So, after three long years, I have finally graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic with my diploma in psychology. While I'm sure others all feel bittersweet about leaving school and all, I for one, am absolutely happy to have finally graduated haha. It's not that I didn't enjoy myself the past three years, because I honestly did. I'm just really glad that I don't have to rush assignments and burn the midnight oil to study for exams anymore. After 13 years, I am finally free from assignments and exams (for now). So if that's not worth celebrating, I don't know what is.

My life in poly was filled with lots of ups and downs, it was almost like a roller coaster. From all these, I learnt many valuable lessons about life. And through my three years, I have matured and grown far more than I ever have in my whole life. Of course, a huge part of it was due to Nicolette, because she taught me so much things and helped me to grow so much as a person. If it wasn't for her, well, I don't think I would have survived my three years in poly. She honestly made it so so much better for me. I made friends and lost friends. No, I wouldn't say I lost friends, since it's not exactly a loss to me. I cut off people who were toxic to my life (ah, that sounds much better). I made good friends at the most unexpected time and place, 3 guys who play children's card games like me haha. I can't tell you how elated I was when I found out that there were still people who played Yu-Gi-Oh and Duel Masters. A little late, but thanks to Randell, I've picked up Magic the Gathering as well (just a little bit). Well, speaking of Randell, I never expected it and neither did I ever imagined it, but he became one of my greatest friends. Once again, it would never have been possible if it wasn't for Nicolette haha. 

I think poly was really an eye-opener for me. It made me much more realistic in terms of my mindset. It made me realize that there are lots of toxic people out there, who will always try to get you and put you down, but we just have to brush them off like dust and live our own lives. It showed me that there are many people putting on masks around us, and when their masks start to fall off, they show their true ugly colors with their nasty mouths and crocodile tears (if any of you fake people are out there reading this, cheers, you know who you are *wink wink nudge nudge*). I've learnt to be more skeptical and wary of people now, a lesson learnt the hard way, but it's worth it I suppose. It's Heaven's way of getting rid of people they know are bad in my life. Poly made me understand how important it is to do things early on and not procrastinate, or we'd just suffer miserably in the end. I've had to work late into the night many times for essays and group projects, but they could have all been avoided if I'd started earlier. You have no idea how important of a lesson this is. At some point, I'd started doing everything earlier and I got so much things done faster, giving me time to check my work and much more time to rest. 

[Shucks, I never intended for this post to be so sarcastic and douchey, but oh wells.]

So, what's after poly I hear you ask. Well, the nation wants to give me free gym and workout for 2 years, so that's that. Haha, I originally wanted to study in university after army, be it social work or psychology if possible. After internship and my last semester of study however, I decided that I would like to work first instead. I want to try working in different sectors (e.g. old folks, children, couples, etc.) first before choosing a course to study in. Yes, that's a nicer way of saying "I don't really know what I want to study, so I'll work first." But that's not the only reason of course. I just feel like I wouldn't be able to do group projects very well in my current state, I won't have the patience to deal with people with lousy attitudes. Alright fine, there's more reasons. I don't want to bump into any of the lousy people in university aforementioned in this post. There, I said it. It's not that I'm petty and wish to avoid them at all costs, but well, things are going to be ugly so I'd rather avoid that than having to argue / fight / put up with fake people. So yes, I'm choosing to work first. 

Whether or not I'll ever go back and study, I'm honestly not sure. I may discover a passion for something else while I'm working, like writing or teaching. No, I'm just kidding, I'll never be a teacher. Maybe I'll be brave (or reckless) and end up pursuing photography / film making / anything in the creative industry. Who knows? I'm just going to take things slow and easy for now. I don't believe in having a super detailed life plan, like thinking so far ahead where you already plan when you'll retire and whatnot. Besides, my plans never go my way anyway, so don't really have a point in making one right? 

Hmm, will I miss any friends now that school's officially over? I think I'm going to have to say no. I honestly wouldn't. Sure, I won't mind meeting up with some of my good friends once in a while, but other than that, no I won't miss anyone. I'm sorry if that disappoints any of you haha. 

[Gosh, this turned out even more douchey than I thought. I'm so sorry man.]

Camera Dictionary

These days, most people probably own a camera, be it a DSLR or a mirrorless. But since technology is so advanced now, a large percentage of camera users use their cameras on full auto mode without really understanding how the camera works. And it's hard to blame them, figuring out all those geeky terms can be quite confusing and difficult. If my dad hadn't taught me, I would never have been able to figure it out on my own. You might ask then, what's the point of learning all these so painstakingly when there's auto mode?

Because it gives you control over the photos that you're making. For example, it allows you to get the mood that you want for your photo instead of doing it in post-production. So just like how my dad helped me with the camera lingo basics, I'm gonna help you guys out too.

ISO - ISO refers to your camera's sensitivity towards light. The normal range for DSLRs these days is 100 to 25, 600. When there are lots of light at the place you are in, we go for a lower ISO such as 100. However, if the place is dimly lit, or it's getting cloudy (and you don't want to use a flash), we use a higher ISO such as 3200. The higher ISO you use, the more grain you get in your photographs. With digital cameras, we are able to adjust our ISO accordingly with the light available to us. But with film, you are stuck with a fixed ISO because the film you buy determines your ISO. The ISO is usually written down on the film's name, such as Portra 400, where 400 refers to the ISO you'll be stuck with.

Shutter Speed - How long your camera's shutter is open to take in light. A faster shutter speed would involve larger numbers as the denominator (e.g. 1/1000) and a slower shutter speed would involve smaller numbers as the denominator (e.g. 1/80). Needless to say, a faster shutter speed means less light is taken in since it only opens for a shorter period of time, while a slower shutter speed means more light taken in. Faster shutter speeds are usually used for fast moving subjects (e.g. sports photography), and minimizes hand shake. Slower shutter speeds for subjects that are not really moving (e.g. portraiture), and can be susceptible to hand shake if too slow a shutter speed is used. What's the point of a slower shutter speed? It gives you more contrast in your photos, providing a nicer colour overall, whereas a faster shutter speed might end up giving you softer images. But these are not necessarily bad things, it all depends on what you're going for.
If we slow it down to shutter speeds like 1 second, or even 30 seconds, we call it long exposures and tripods are usually required because we do not have tripod-stable hands. Long exposures are useful when capturing water as they render the water into one smooth blur, and for sunsets where you get nice rich colours. It is also used very frequently at night, where high ISOs do not work at all. It can be used to capture stars, buildings, light trails, or light painting. One thing to note about using long exposures in the day (water, sunset, sunrise, etc.) is that it might be useful to bring some neutral density filters along, or you might get overexposed photographs. The filters help to block out some light, allowing for a longer exposure.

Aperture - Aperture also determines how much light your camera takes in when you take a photograph, but unlike shutter speed, aperture is determined by your lens and how wide open or closed it is. It is denoted by f/n, where n is a number. Apart from light, aperture also determines your depth of field. A larger aperture like f/1.8 gives you a shallower depth of field, where less things are in focus (more bokeh!). A smaller aperture like f/22 gives you more depth of field, which means more things in focus.

Shallow depth of field / Bokeh! 

Your exposure will then be set using the three settings (ISO, shutter speed, and aperture). Depending on what you're going for (long exposure, bokeh, etc.), your settings will change accordingly. So don't be afraid, and experiment with your settings!

Monochrome

A while back, I tried something fun on my Instagram. I posted only black and white photos for a month, and since I upload two photos a day there, it added up to a total of 60 photos. It was easy in the beginning, since I had some black and white photos which I'd been wanting to upload. However, after a few days, it got tougher and tougher. I was running low on black and white photos, and I didn't have much time to take new photos (only some iPhone shots here and there). Hence, I decided to take some of my old photos that I hadn't seen for a long time and reprocessed them as black and white. All I can say is that the results were awesome. Sure, there were a few photos that didn't work out in black and white, but most of the photos went well with it. Just by reprocessing these photos into monochrome taught me a lot more about black and white. My eye for black and white definitely got better in the process, being able to tell whether a photo would look good in monochrome and all. I learned the importance of shadows and highlights as well. In colour photos, shadows and highlights are usually not as important unless you're taking photos of light. But in black and white, they are very important, if you're not careful, you'll lose a lot of details because they all seem to blend in together.

Taking and processing photos in black and white only made me realize how distracting colours can be. Monochrome photos remove all of that distractions, allowing me to focus only on the subject, the emotions, and other details I never would have noticed in my colour photos. It was an amazing feeling for sure. Another thing is that I learnt to keep the details in my photographs as minimal as possible after this period. I guess it's because I realized that a lot of the details in the photos tend to turn out just black after being converted to black and white. Being more minimal with my photos also mean that they're less distracting now as well. I can say for sure that I now know how to better process my photos in terms of black and white.

However, I've since missed colour photos. And since we're living in the 21st century, I should embrace colour photos as much as I love black and white photos. So while my eye for black and white has sharpened, I would like to focus more on colour photos now. But for now, enjoy some of my black and white photos.

Chasing

These photos were taken last August when I went to a temple with my parents. I remember it was a funeral of a great person in the Singapore's Buddhist community. When our Prime Minister, Lee Hsien Loong, was about to leave the place, he was flooded by the citizens who were there. Most of them ran up to PM Lee with their phones, requesting for selfies and to have photos taken with him. For a moment, I thought everyone was chasing an idol. The entire scene felt very interesting to me, and since I had my camera with me, I decided to take a few photographs to document the entire process. My parents asked me to go ahead and take some photos with him as well, but I declined, it was more meaningful to document this down instead. This is probably one of the few photojournalist moments that I have on the streets.