printing your photos

 

As someone who was given the opportunity to print my own work during a module last semester, I must say I 100% agree with what Kai Wong said in this video. Often times, when I do shoots, I end up with a lot of photographs that I feel are good enough to me. These are photographs I put up on social media to act as a pseudo portfolio. However, as I have shared a few times before, after some time passes, these photographs tend to be forgotten. Especially when I do more and more shoots, because more and more photographs are added into this pseudo portfolio of mine. And so those earlier works get buried by more recent works. I honestly do think that with a social media portfolio mindset, the works we put out as photographers tend to start diminishing in quality. 

But in the class I took last semester, the goal was to produce photographs worthy of being printed in A3 size that were to be hung up on a wall. When I started looking through my own works, I realised there were very little photographs I would consider printing. I think the very idea of printing out the photographs attaches a really heavy weight to it (aside from the fact that printing paper is very expensive and I do not wish to waste a single piece). When you know that a print is very much permanent, somehow the way you take photos changes. It's not something that can be easily put into words, it is more of a feeling. 

When I started approaching the shoot I did for that class with this mentality, I was more serious about how the photographs should turn out. I directed a lot more than I usually would, and took more time to figure out the framing for the photographs. But the biggest difference for me, was in the selection of the photographs to print. Even though I could only pick ten photographs to print, I found it extremely hard to even pick more than five. These ten photographs had to not just be good, but amazing in my own eyes. And this is further explained by Kai in the video about how you'd become a lot more selective with your photos. 

Printing my work also forced me to pay more attention to the smallest details. The tiniest smudge on the wall that would normally go unnoticed on social media would be magnified into an eyesore when printed out. I honestly spent hours just removing blemishes on my work, after I wasted two prints. And let me tell you, wasting prints is one of the worst feelings as a photographer. 

My very first test print for my portrait overwhelmed me with feelings. There was a sense of satisfaction and pride when I held the A4 print in my hands that cannot be replicated with seeing my photos on a screen. All I can say is, it felt like an actual photograph. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, with my latest series, "yearning.", I feel that I have peaked in my growth as a conceptual portrait photographer. I know it may not compare to the works of other photographers, but the only person that matters when it comes to art is often ourselves. And I do feel that I have outdone myself by a mile. 

My next step as a photographer is to step out of my comfort zone. I want to do landscapes, cityscapes, streetscapes, travel photography, cinematic photos, photos that I will want to print and display in my own home. To do so, I will be relearning photography all over again. I want to feel that same excitement I did in 2014 when I was learning about gear and techniques from Kai's videos. 

me with my printed work

of dreams.

As I am near the end of my third year of university, I am faced with the looming question of what I want to do once it is all over. I've been avoiding the question for some time now, because I truly have no idea what it is I genuinely want. To be perfectly honest, I do enjoy the mundane routine of working f&b, where I didn't have to use much of my brains. But of course, I know it is not practical to work full-time in f&b in Singapore unless it was in a Michelin restaurant. 

The one question I often get is if I would ever pursue photography full-time. Honestly, there has been so many times in my life where I really wish to chase after my dreams without care. And when my photography prof told me I had what it takes, I was really so tempted to take that leap of faith. Then I think about the arts scene in Singapore, and I wonder again if I really wish to enter it. A world where Photoshop is more important than your photography, where every photograph just look like they are taken by the same person. I see photographers like Nguan, like Lavender Chang, and I dream a dream of being like them, creating what they like without worry and being recognised for it. Then I look at all of my past works, and there are only a few shoots I genuinely like after all this time. And my dream feels a lot further than I imagine it to be. 

Mushoku Tensei - A Masterpiece Series

Photo courtesy of MAL

After 23 weeks (not inclusive of the wait between the two cours), Mushoku Tensei Season 1 has come to an end and I have been completely in awe of this masterpiece week after week after week. I love the series so much, I absolutely need to talk about it. If you have no idea what Mushoku is, it is based off the light novel of the same name and the plot starts when the protagonist dies and is reincarnated into a world of fantasy, swords and magic and is basically given a second chance at life as Rudeus (Rudy) Greyrat. 

The World:

Studio Bind did a near perfect job with drawing the sceneries, let's get that straight. It might not have the same polish as Makoto Shinkai's sceneries in his films such as Your Name and Weathering With You, but Studio Bind definitely brought the series to life with the sceneries. Every scene kept my eyes glued to it because they were always so beautiful. Even the scenes showing the aftermath of a disaster was so beautifully drawn (if you could call it that), it made you feel the impact without saying anything. 

But more than anything, I am constantly blown away by the original author's world-building skills. Starting from episode 1, he already shows us that this fantasy world is rich of history and lore. They have their own folklores and myths, their own places that clearly have a story to tell, and the list goes on. Every detail that he shows us is not for naught, they each have a part to play in the overarching story and they have their histories. All of these histories and lore just come together to give you this feeling as if this world actually exists. Not to mention, this guy came up with his own language for the demon continent and Studio Bind followed through by breathing life into this language. The effort that was put into this was insane. 

The Characters:

They are so well-written, like every one of them. As far as isekais go (or most anime in general), you would never see that many well-written characters. Authors usually slap one trait on their characters and that would be their entire personality. But not with Mushoku. You can just tell that the author gave so much thought into how they should be like and as someone who has done a little bit of fiction, I can assure you that it ain't easy. But what I love most about these characters is the fact that each and every one of them are extremely flawed. They don't make the "right" choices every time, and this leads to some of the best plot points. In particular, the episode where Paul (Rudy's dad) fights with Rudy. That episode had me tearing up. 

The best written character so far is without a doubt Rudy. He was written to be a scum at the start, he had pedophilic tendencies, he was a pervert through and through, and he was selfish. But in just 23 episodes, they showed him going through so much character development through the most devastating plots. By the end of the season, you could feel that this Rudy was an entirely different person altogether. This was someone who had managed to fight his traumas of his past life, who accepted that he was the one who rejected help and not that the world abandoned him, and was able to do good. 

Character development has honestly become such a rare thing in anime now. Every protagonist is perfect from episode 1 and are overpowered, without the need for a training arc and all that. Mushoku embraces character development so well, not just in personalities, but in their abilities too. Rudy had to train really hard for his magic and even then, he isn't even the strongest there is. He's still getting his butt kicked, and he's still witnessing tragedies. This is a boy that can't save the world and I am all for it. 

The Plot:

Mushoku Tensei may be the grandfather of isekais that started all of the isekai tropes that we see today, but every single plot point defies your expectations and not once are generic. Because of how complex all the characters are, the decisions they make are not ones you'd expect. You can tell that the characters don't make the wrong decisions for the sake of plot (which oftentimes lead to frustrations from us viewers), but because it is in their personalities. Once again, this is only possible because of how well-written the characters are. 

What I also appreciate about Mushoku is that the author isn't afraid to take his plot through some dark twists. I don't mean dark like edgy (i.e. Goblin Slayer), but dark like too realistic. One of the major plots of the season is the teleportation incident, where the citizens of an entire city were teleported randomly to different parts of the world. Rudy was teleported to the demon continent where he fought his way back home. It was so heart wrenching to watch when he found the other survivors of the incident. Some were drugged for human trafficking, some were drowning in depression because their families had died or because they did not know if they were dead or alive, and of course Paul's alcoholism from losing his entire family and being unable to find them. 

It is a breath of fresh air watching Mushoku Tensei because of this. A lot of anime these days are copy pastes of each other, jam packed with generic and predictable tropes where you can self-insert yourself as the protagonist all the while knowing no characters will really ever die. This is a show that keeps you on the edge of your seat, and fully immerses you in its world. 

The Animation:

While I knew that Studio Bind was set up just to animate Mushoku Tensei, I really did not know what to expect from them since with every isekai anime these days, they run the risk of simply looking generic. But from the get go, they surpassed every anime I'd watched before. They somehow picked the best looking art style to match the story of Mushoku. From the magic to the fight scenes, they never ceased to amaze me. You can just tell that they put in so much love into animating this series. I know there have been better fight scenes in other anime, such as the Fate series, Demon Slayer, and Jujutsu Kaisen, but Studio Bind is definitely a strong contender. 

The Sounds:

Studio Bind killed it with their soundtracks, let's get that straight. The OP flows into the scenes seamlessly and it's not a pop or rock song like every other show. It's a song that seemingly fits with the fantasy setting. They don't ever use music that sounds out of place, instead they all sound natural and assists in immersing you into this world. While they are no David Productions with their insane sound effects in Fire Force, Studio Bind still does an excellent job with the sound effects. From the casting of magic, to the sounds of tearing off a piece of bread, all of the sounds are just simply satisfying and never jarring.

Conclusion:

I truly cannot praise the series enough and I am so thankful that Studio Bind ignored the stupidity on Twitter when some vocal folks were trying to get the series cancelled because of Rudy's pedophilic behaviour and that they couldn't self insert themselves into Rudy, or because Rudy's personality hit too close to home for them that they felt offended. Knowing that Studio Bind will animate this series from start to finish is also such a relief to hear as a fan because most light novel series only get one or two seasons and that is it. I'm already looking forward to the next season, and it is not an exaggeration to say that Mushoku Tensei IS the anime of the decade and maybe even of all time. 

yearning.

 

Loneliness is a theme that I have been exploring since 2014, when I first saw Nguan’s series, How Loneliness Goes, in the Art Science Museum. 

 

Over the past year, through the ever changing rules and regulations laid down by the government during the pandemic, these feelings of loneliness and the yearning for social interactions in my heart have grown exponentially.

 

I decided to create this series by staging a number of portraits, showcasing various activities that the subject has done alone throughout the pandemic, with my emotions seeping into every portrait that is crafted. The series is done in black and white as I felt that the emotions were amplified in monochrome. 

(On a personal note, I cannot thank Shan enough for helping me out with this project which is partly for school, and partly for my personal artistic pursuits. I have long wanted to create this conceptual series of photographs and it is an idea that I have remoulded over and over because I could never find the right subject, the right place, and the right approach. This module taught me how to break from the norms of portraiture photography, and it is partly why I am able to finally execute this series the way I truly wanted it to be. The other part is Shan simply believing in me and giving me full control to pose her in all of the shots, despite her not having any modelling background. This series would not have been possible otherwise. So again, thank you.)

a photographer's work is a reflection of themselves

In an attempt to get myself out of my photography slump, I decided to take the intro to digital photography elective in my uni. I wanted to relearn my basics and just be forced to take photos again. But what I never expected, was being forced to learn something much deeper about photography. 

After I'd submitted my first draft(?) for my street photography assignment, I had a consultation session with my prof. She told me straight up that it was okay but not great, and I knew she was right. She pulled out my previous submissions and told me, and I quote: 

"Sean, you have a talent for bringing out emotions, like in this portrait you submitted. And look at your still life, your composition is amazing. But when it comes to street, I'm not feeling it. You haven't brought out the emotions. And as I look at your work, let me recommend you a photographer... A Singaporean street photographer, Nguan, pastel tones and dreamy Singapore. I feel you will learn a lot from his work." 

Nguan, has been my inspiration for the past 7 years. His work, "How Loneliness Goes", the reason why I picked up photography seriously. His work stirred up my heart when I was at the Art Science Museum years ago, looking at his exhibition. And after my prof said that to me, I realised, I never learned anything from Nguan beyond surface aesthetics. I started asking myself questions after questions the entire week. I took out the physical copy of "How Loneliness Goes" and stared at it from day to night. 

Why did Nguan shoot what he did? What was the purpose of his works? Why these subjects? What feelings did the subjects convey? No, what did he convey to us? 

I don't know how long I was lost in his works for. But no answers came to me. So I did the most logical thing, I went out to shoot at 8am in the morning. And as I made my way around Tanjong Pagar, I found all the answers I'd been searching for as I stared at benches with tape on them to mark out social distancing measures. 

A photographer's work is not a reflection of their subjects, but a reflection of themselves. Nguan did not wait for interesting subjects, he actively sought out a certain emotion in his photos - loneliness and yearning. But I was so focused on the subjects in his photos that I failed to see that the emotions weren't just coming from the subjects. Nguan's feelings of loneliness were laid out on every photograph he took in Singapore, and I was blind to it the whole time. His photos had the impact it did because the series was a reflection of him. 

Street photography wasn't about the decisive moment, it wasn't just walking around the streets looking for something interesting, it wasn't just aesthetics. There is no meaning to photos taken like this. 

So as I stared at the benches, I realised I needed to pour my emotions out as well. As much of an introvert I am, I still am human, I still am a creature that requires social interactions. Covid has deprived us (no, me) of social interactions with circuit breaker and the fluctuating laws. And I (no, we) have been finding ways to get around all of these. From Zoom calls to meeting up as smaller groups to taking away food to eat at home. While the tape showed the Covid restrictions, the benches with broken tape showed the rebellion of Singaporeans for me. As social creatures, Covid has taken a toll on all of us, and in order to satisfy this need for social interactions, we rebel against the very laws (gathering in groups more than 2 or 5 or 8, dining in parks, the illegal KTV clusters, and so on), shown as a metaphor through the broken tapes. 

This realisation extends beyond street photography. The reason I've been thinking I can do better, that something is lacking in my portraits, is because what was lacking was my emotions. I'd been shooting portraits the wrong way this whole time. I tell my subjects to give me certain emotions, but I never poured my own out. I'm not sure if I would ever do a whole lot of portraits that are personal to me, but I did do one for this class. The entire concept was based on my own heartache, and for once, I felt satisfied with the photos if they weren't the most technically perfect ones. 

I don't personally think I will take a lot more photos after this, simply due to the lack of time thanks to uni. But, I've definitely broken out of the slump I'd been in. It was honestly enlightenment. Moving forward, I hope to create much more personal photos, the way Nguan did. For now, I hope you enjoy these photos. 

music for the broken-hearted and the lonely

I've been listening to Powfu's music almost daily for a year now. It started off as a joke because of 'Death Bed' that was trending on Tik Tok, but when I went to check out his other music, I just kind of got hooked. The lofi beats, his rapping, his lyrics all meld together so well. The songs are perfect for when I'm on the train doing nothing staring into space, or when I'm walking alone window shopping. 

His lyrics seem to revolve around high school, being a loner and a loser, and unrequited love. Which I guess is somehow relatable for me. It did bring back memories about having crushes, and being unable to confess those feelings. But there's something so romantic about the sad lyrics, and paired with the catchiness of the beat, I find myself putting his songs on repeat. 

His songs have been giving me inspirations for some short stories too, so maybe I'll get to that one of these days. Meanwhile, if any of you are reading this, then maybe join me and wallow in these sad feelings as we rap (in complete failure) to Powfu.

Current songs from Powfu I'm jamming to:

Douchebag

a classmate from a different world

long fights, short tempers

blue waves

good for nothing

breakfast with the moon

Strawberry Shortcake (with Michelle)

 

This shoot was taken a couple months back, but because of assignments and finals, I was unable to edit the photos only until recently. The whole idea came after I'd gotten Michelle that strawberry hat, and she bought a strawberry dress to match it. 

It definitely isn't a concept that is unfamiliar to us. We've done strawberry related shoots twice already. The first one being a simple one at Botanics Garden with just some strawberries. The second one, which was done in Chug Chug, involved a lot more props, and you can view the photos here. 

For the third strawberry shoot, we decided to head outdoors again - at Bras Basah Complex. I originally wanted to use a bookstore in the complex, but the owner rejected our plea so we made do and walked around to find nice spots we could use. 

And I'm kinda glad we stuck with the outdoors for this shoot because the weather and light was so extremely kind to us. We arrived just in time for the golden hour to shine at its best, and the wind worked in tandem with us instead of against us, allowing for the most beautiful photos to happen.

Michelle brought me to a rooftop garden that I never knew existed, and from there we walked to a nearby playground (also on the roof-ish!). The playground worked perfectly with the direction we were going for, so I just let my creative instincts take over at that point, trying to take as many photographs as I could. 

My personal favourite shot

I've been very inactive with shoots over the past year because I've been so busy with school, and because I've been in a slump for quite a while. However, I've had the opportunity to do three shoots this year. One for Lishan's cheongsam / CNY shoot, one for Xuening and her baby, Bailey, and lastly this strawberry shoot with Michelle. 

I'm very grateful for friends who ask me for shoots. Despite my slumps, and not knowing which direction to take my photography towards, they still place their trust in me. And in all honesty, it does help me a little. Once I get into the motion, my body moves on its own, and I am reminded of what it is that I love about photography - being able to create such beautiful aesthetics. 

That said, I don't think I'll be doing shoots all that frequent ultimately. As of now, school probably takes top priority (after all, I'm paying so much money for it). The only exceptions would probably be shoots that my friends ask for, paid shoots, and of course, concepts that I feel passionately for.