more films part III // spoilt $20 camera

 

Yes. I wear shoes, and socks to the beach. 

But that's not the point. Third blogpost for more films, simply because I felt I should split up the films accordingly to the cameras. This time, it's a $20 camera I bought from Plain Jane Cafe while I was out with Xuan. The camera looked really cute, and it was only $20 so I thought it would be a good idea. Long story short, it was not a good idea. 

First off, the flash did not work. Well at least for mine. Shannon bought one as well, and her flash worked just fine. As the cafe was all the way in Serangoon, I was lazy to go all the way back there just to get a refund. After all, the roll of film was already loaded in. So I did the best I could, I would just use this camera in sunlight. 

the photo when I realised the flash did not work

Next up, the camera body got increasingly sticky over time. I'm not exaggerating. It honestly felt like the body was melting, which made it kind of gross to hold. But I'm not one to complain about ergonomics like this one. The number one cause for my regret was... the camera broke down halfway. I wasn't even done with the roll. Maybe halfway? But the shutter button just stopped functioning. (Shannon's one worked all the way till the last shot by the way) 

But not only that, the rewind button was broken as well. Which meant... the film was trapped in there. Shannon's camera had this problem as well. But good news is, Whampoa Colour Centre can manually remove the film for you without damaging it. What you will get however, are light leaks when the photos are developed. For me personally, that's a win. I love light leaks, and they are impossible to get unless you deliberately open the back of your camera and expose the film to sunlight. And you'll see in all of the photos here that there are orange bits at the sides, those are light leaks. But there are others who think light leaks ruin the photos and their opinions are valid too. 

Anyway, colours wise, I didn't really like how they turned out. It was way too muted for my liking. And this post is to simply serve as a warning to not buy way too cheap film cameras. But since it was only $20, I'll simply take it as a lesson learnt. I'll be sticking to my disposable cameras from now on for sure. They never ever let me down and they produce the aesthetics I want all the time. May go back to the Kodak M35 from time to time, but I'm not the biggest fan of loading and rewinding film on that camera, it's way too difficult. 

But enjoy whatever photos I managed to get out of this camera and the light leaked goodness. Cheers.

shan bought all the food

nuggets

me and my socks

socks II

shan's camera

sleeping... in this hot weather?

just light leaks, nothing else

more films part II // fujifilm

 

Ever since Seanny bought me my first disposable camera (which was a Fujifilm), I haven't went back to it for a long time. I've been using the Kodak disposable camera instead simply because the Kodak offers 39 shots, whereas the Fujifilm only offers about 27. And when you're a broke student like me, you would want to get your money's worth. Even more so when both cameras are about the same price (~$20) where I'm at. It just made more sense to use the Kodak for me, and the Kodak had colours that I personally prefer after seeing my sister use it the first time. 

But's been two, maybe three years since he bought me the Fujifilm camera and I wanted to give it another shot. Mainly because I know a lot of people who prefer the Fujifilm disposable's colours, and there were many Japanese photographers who stood by it. So I went into my neighbourhood printing shop and asked if they had any. They said no, but they could order it for me if I wanted. So I said ok, let's do that. 

Ergonomically, the Fujifilm is way better. Let's get that right. The Kodak disposable requires you to hold onto a button for a long time before your flash is available, and there have been many times where my flash did not go off despite me holding onto the button for a long time. The Fujifilm, on the other hand, is a matter of a flick of a switch. Just slide the button up, and your flash is available instantly, and it goes off 10 out of 10 times. The Fujifilm is also slimmer, and smaller as compared to the Kodak, which allows me to put it in my pocket with ease. 

Colour wise, it's kinda hit or miss for me. There are times when it just gives me 100% what I've been searching for all this while, the green tint. But other times, it gives me too much orange tint in the photos, which I don't particularly like, but I don't hate it either. I think if the orange was toned down a little, I would have loved it. Of course, I can easily fix it in Lightroom, but I don't usually tweak my film photos because, 1. I'm lazy and 2. I want to see the film colours for what they are. 

Personally, I don't think the Fujifilm camera is one I would use in the sunlight. The colours it produces when used with the flash just outperforms by so much. But the same can be said with the Kodak camera. I think the flash what gives the disposable cameras that aesthetic of theirs. 

Would I get the Fujifilm camera again? For sure, simply for the ergonomics and that green tint. But economics wise, it would be more cost-effective if I stuck with the Kodak. So I'll leave the Fujifilm for days when I'm feeling richer. 

Enjoy the Fujifilm aesthetics. 

time capsule with shan

waiter oppa

caught between 2 oppas

Edgar / dragonball 

Neo Guan and Randell in the midst of our game

gothic Xuan 

Michelle at a retro cafe

candid?

potted plants and a strawberry

more films // kodak disposable

Hello, 

It's been long. Almost a year. Covid happened, along many other things. I was distracted by this and that, pulled back into the whirlwind known as school, worked a lot of part time, and without knowing, a year has passed. 

I am back, with yet another post about the beauty of film, because film is something that I hold dear. I made a mistake a couple of months back, and ended up with three disposable cameras to use. So over the past few months, I'd been slowly taking photos on my disposables. As my photos were spread out between the different cameras, it took me ages before I finished the first one. But there was some good that came from that, it acted as a restraint for me, so I could not rush to develop any films. Instead, I was forced to wait out till all three were done, before developing them altogether. The longer you wait, the more likely you are to forget whatever that you've taken. And the more likely you are to be surprised when you develop your photos. 

I'm just going to upload the ones from my Kodak disposables for this post. I only picked out a few because there is no way I'm going to flood the post with 58 photos. I'll post the photos from the Fujifilm disposable in the next post... Probably. Cheers.

beach day with Arica

somewhere in bedok

I love mango desserts

shake it shake it

valentines this year at The Masses

k-bbq with the bois 

shan / me / max

og 3rd gen chug crew

justseannyboy

demon slayer tees

seanny & charmy

shan's xmas tree

steamboat with the army bois

stacked up plates of meat

missing our bois Jordy and Harvest

biddy and her birthday gifts

Grief

“I eat a grief sandwich

I wear a grief coat

I watch a grief film.” - Lorde

If you have been through grief, then you know that when you are grieving, you live and breathe grief. Some people find it easier to move on from grief, and some a little harder. The feeling of having a hand gripped around your heart, squeezing it so tightly, you cannot breathe. A pain so sharp, yet the sounds never leave your mouth. Like a well that has been abandoned, your eyes too, are all dried up. 

You put on a plastic smile, and you trudge on with life because that is expected of you. Society does not wait, it will not give you a year to grieve and move on. So you force yourself to swallow the sandwich, to laugh and mingle with friends, to continue with life as if nothing had happened. When they do ask you, “are you okay?”, you lie and say “yeah, of course”. 

The world is unforgiving when you are grieving. But that does not mean that you are not allowed to. Take all the time you need to grieve. Watch those grief films, listen to your grieving playlist. Find people who you can say “I’m not okay”, and they’ll be okay with it. Laugh, then cry, then laugh again. Because sometimes, the best cure is to keep laughing. 

Some wounds never heal, some people never stop grieving. And that’s okay. Some days feel worse than others, but there are days that hurt lesser. Days where we forget about the grief even. But grief is like a ghost, it haunts us over and over. If there’s anything I’ve learnt with grief, it’s that one day it does get better. Not in the sense that we stop grieving, but in a way that we can live as we grieve. And perhaps, that’s the best we can do. Because this grief is our last connection to the person we love and lost.

S.

An Ode to Friends

I feel like I write about friends a lot, but as an introvert, I find it really difficult to make friends to begin with. But also, I made a promise to myself in 2016 that I would never neglect friends for any relationship ever again. Hopefully, I'm doing that well enough right now. So, in a way, I've been learning to treasure the friends that I hold dear to my heart to the best of my abilities. 

There have been many friends in my life, and it is impossible for me to touch on each and everyone of you. But, all of you have impacted my life in one way or another. Clearly, this was meant to be an end-of-2019 post, but that did not happen, so it's here 5 months late. 
I think I'm a really hard to approach person in general, so thank you to all of you who have made the first move to get to know me, and to be my friend.

2019 has been a year of friends for me. Catching up with my primary school friend, Melvin Lim. I also met up with Priscilla and Justin (though that was more end of 2018). Lots of quality time spent with my secondary school mates too, even going to JB with them. Hung out a bit with my poly peeps before my best friend Randell flew off to UK for further studies. Hung out with my army bois when Jordy came back from Australia. Made more new (but close and precious) friends at Chug like Max, Seannyboi, & Shannon. Went to university expecting to not make a single friend, but I made 2 really good friends (or VSCO girls), Bidhya and Lae, who are so so sweet. Became really good friends with Michelle after doing 3 or 4 shoots together, and we have since kept making amazing photos together. Xuening entrusting me with most of her shoots (almost felt like an exclusive contract), and even her maternity shoot. Rachel who got me a few paid photography jobs here and there. Megan who I went to the Epik High concert with. Naomi, my matcha buddy, who also gave me one of my craziest opportunities in 2019, which was shooting over 10 models in a day. Ariffin and Rosanne who often complained about linguistics with me. Sufyan who always geeks out with me.

Also made a friend called Arica over break-up conversations, who quickly became my girlfriend but that's for another day.

And of course, there are so much more. The friends I made through Instagram and from shoots, the customers who became friends from Chug. The full-timers at Populus who are so so nice to me.

So this one is to all of the friends in my life. Both old ones and new ones. 

Acquired Tastes - Coffee

As humans, we naturally crave sweeter or sometimes saltier food. Our love for ice cream, cakes, potatoes in every form, and fried chicken. The list goes on. Perhaps this craving comes from our body in the most biological way - that we are low on sugar or salt, and require some, lest we stop functioning. Perhaps it is entirely coincidental that we love the taste of these foods. Maybe we evolved as a species to have our taste buds wired like this.

But there are many things that we don't like having in our mouths growing up. In particular, the bitter things. And among the bitter foods that are available to us, coffee stands out. Even as we continue to hate on bitter gourds and Chinese medicine, humans do seem to enjoy the bitterness of coffee. With some avid coffee lovers scowling at those who add sugar into their coffee. 

And yet, nobody loves coffee as soon as they can start tasting. Coffee is an acquired taste. It takes a few tries to get into it. One's virgin coffee experience is often faced with an expression of disdain, followed by a "what the hell is that?" For some, they hate it after that first mouth. But after a few years, they taste it again with a skeptical mindset, and fall in love with it. Others, resort to coffee because of the need to stay awake in lectures, or for the sake of staying up till 6am to finish an assignment. And after having coffees for a month straight, cognitive dissonance occurs and they fall in love with it. 

For me? I only started drinking coffee after I met Arica, and after starting work at Populus. While Arica would bring me to various cafes to drink coffee, it wasn't enough to get me hooked. I get a free drink each shift while I'm working, so you can imagine the amount of mochas and lattes I've had. After drinking the coffee there for a few months, I started to feel a difference in my taste buds. Every so often, I'd go to a cafe with Arica or Max and we'd have a coffee. And I find myself lost in my thoughts, I'd be thinking "huh, this doesn't taste as good." But, I don't know what's good. Before, I would have just found all coffee bad in general. Then, it hit me. I'd grown so used to the beans at Populus and how they do their coffee, that I'd taken a liking to that specific taste. It could very well be dissonance in this case, or unconsciously, I've learnt to appreciate it. 

The coffee at Populus has become my benchmark now. And you'll always hear me complaining when I drink coffee from elsewhere. I'd be telling Arica, "I still think Populus is better", I shit you not. 

I don't have proper photos of coffee, because most of the time, I'm drinking it at work. And I just wanna also say, thank you to all the baristas at Populus for always giving me free coffees, I mad appreciate it. Especially Dada and Canon because they're usually the ones making for me when I go down for free coffee after school or when I'm studying. 

A Date in the 70s / Portra 160

Before there was my digital camera - the Nikon D5500, the first camera I held with my 5-year old hands was my dad's camera - the Nikon FM2. A fully manual film camera. Before I knew what rule of thirds was, what exposure meant, and what focusing was, my dad would ensure the settings were right before placing it in my hands to let me take the family portraits. I enjoyed holding a camera more than I enjoyed being in front of one.

Every time I hold the FM2 now, there is some sort of magic that I feel. As I focus and take the shot, I am reminded of the thousand of times my dad did before me. How he brought this camera out in the 80s through the 90s with him onto the streets, taking portraits of my mum, and doing street photography. The grooves of the camera still holds onto the warmth of my dad's hands. It remembers the sweat, the effort, and maybe even the tears, as he struggled to be a full-time photographer. The scoldings he had to endure from celebrities, from his bosses. The chores he had to do as an assistant - buying coffee, buying food, holding equipment. The camera must hold some sadness, of how my dad had to put down the camera, and his lifelong passion, in exchange for stability, for the sake of starting a family. It must remember how when it broke down, my dad refused to let it go. Instead, he took it for repairs, and spent more than he should. He was advised to buy a new one instead of fixing it, told that it was not worth repairing. But my dad chose to ignore all that, he valued sentiment. 

As I open the canister of the Portra 160, and start loading the film into the camera, I am reminded of the history of this camera. This shoot is personal to me, in the sense that it is my first portrait shoot on film. It is something I have wanted to do for years. And the Portra 160 was the sensible choice, a film designed for portraits with slightly warmer tones that lended itself perfectly for skin tones. When I first held the FM2 again back in 2015, I knew I was not ready to do serious things with this camera. All I could do was waste my film as I practiced. Eventually, I had to put it down. Went back to digital in order to improve my craft, to improve my portraits.    

This shoot with Michelle came at the right time. It was originally meant for an assignment, and it was cancelled, but I decided to go ahead with the shoot anyway. I had been growing tired of digital work, and tired of how all of my portraits were getting stale. I realised it was time to slow down the process, and do a concept that meant something to me. I also knew, that I had grown plenty as a portrait photographer and that I was ready to do a full portrait shoot on film. 

Michelle volunteered for this project, and the idea I had in mind was a "date" in the 70s / 80s. Film has always been magical to me. When I hold the FM2, there is this feeling - that I am transported back in time, that I am reliving my dad's love for the camera, for photography. And I wanted to channel that into a shoot. To time travel through these photographs, and imagine what it was like to be my dad, to be on a photography "date" with a girl. 

Michelle donned on her mother's dress, perfecting the look of a girl in the 70s who was on a date. I have worked with Michelle many times, and we have become very good friends through the shoots and the planning of said shoots. Yet this shoot felt different. There was no warm-up shots, no racking of brains, no complicated poses. Yes, this shoot was a lot more natural. Just us, walking around Haji Lane, looking through the shops and suggesting to each other which spot to take the photo at. No elaborate poses, just a simple smile, or simply looking through some products. 

Film slows me down, it slows the entire process down. There is no screen to check the photos, there is no redoing of any shots. Yet there is something so therapeutic about the process. I was not worried about the photos, I was simply walking around and enjoying the process. Perhaps that is the magic of film. When I am on film, the results do not matter, there is nothing that I am chasing. I was in the moment with Michelle, having little conversations, and big laughters. 

I romanticise film too much, you might say. I romanticise the nostalgia and the colours of it. Maybe the magic that I romanticise is that I feel like I'm connecting with my dad's youth through this medium. I feel his regrets, and his love as I turn each dial. I wonder with each shot, how his life would be different if he did not put down the camera. He gave up on his dreams so that I could chase mine. I load each film and think, how courageous he must be, how much regrets he must have, as he did a job that he did not love. I often think about the day I bought my own camera, how his eyes beamed with pride. As if to say, you are indeed my son, to love photography as much as I do. 

I often wonder, if I too, would have to give up my dreams for stability? I would love it if his sacrifices were not wasted, and I could do what he never could. To be a full time photographer, to earn a stable income while doing the photography I love. But the future is never certain, and we would never know.

In the meantime, enjoy the photos.