Romanticisms of Film

Melbourne ; Nikon FM2

The slow process of loading a roll of film, composing a shot, winding the lever, and then taking the photograph. Film, there is something about the slow process that I can't help but enjoy and fall in love with. The colours that the film produces, how it slows everything down in this fast paced life. When I'm restricted to just a whopping 36 shots, every shot becomes a hundred times more precious. Perhaps it has to do with the costly fees of buying film and then developing it. When one just can't afford to waste even one shot. 

But, there is always something very magical whenever I pick up my film cameras. At the end of it, I always feel that I've become a better photographer than I was before. Simply because (almost) every shot was carefully crafted. And sometimes, I transfer this mindset over to my digital work. Instead of rushing through my shoots and snapping whatever to see what works, I try to compose beforehand and get the shot that I want and would be proud of. 

Johor Bahru ; Nikon FM2

Xuanxuan ; Nikon FM2

Me, by Xuan ; Nikon FM2

Me with messy hair, by Xuan ; Nikon FM2

What you doing? ; Nikon FM2

my fav shot ; Nikon FM2

When it comes to film however, there are two types. The first is the 35mm film camera which I would carefully craft each photograph, because I know the quality would be top notch. The other, is my disposable camera (though now, thanks to the new Kodak M35, it's a reusable disposable) where I mostly use for in-the-moment kind of shots. It's the camera I would bring everywhere with me, to capture friends when I'm out. I've always wanted to bring my camera everywhere with me, but a DSLR is simply too heavy to lug around and it's too expensive to buy a new compact or mirrorless camera these days. So the Kodak M35 is the perfect option. 

Both cameras serve very different purposes for me, but they both give me the same feeling of suspense. Not knowing what kind of photos I have took, and when the photos are develop, they always surprise me. Of course, there will always be disappointing shots where it's underexposed, out of focus, or half-blinks, etc. But the feeling of being surprised by the results outweighs the disappointment. 

Seanny and his unnecessarily cut up t-shirt ; Kodak M35

Max at work ; Kodak M35

Ben slurping some balls ; Kodak M35

Xinde (possibly drunk) ; Kodak M35

Seanny, about to get drunk ; Kodak M35

Shannon, smiling as she's texting ; Kodak M35

Happy Chug 2nd Anniversary uwu ; Kodak M35

A-Team ; Kodak M35

My gift for Seanny, a batman ; Kodak M35

I think I romanticise film too much, I will not deny that. But I am a sucker of nostalgia, and I think film gives me a lot of that sense of nostalgia. Even if these photos are not from the past. Even on digital work, all I strive for, is to replicate the tones of film. Is it the colours of film that I'm chasing, or am I simply chasing nostalgia? Perhaps I was born in the wrong time. Had I been born in the era where film was at its peak, would I have had more satisfaction in my creative work? 

In a world that has simply become too fast paced, where photos are merely another file on our desktop, photographs and memories are taken for granted. Maybe that's why I like film so much, it gives the photographs, the memories, an anchor to the real world. A physical album of memories for me to show my children in future. These are my friends, and these are all proof of my existence, our existence. It is proof that I lived. 

Cheers,

Sean

my birthday dinner this year, bought by Max ; Kodak M35

my uwu ; Kodak M35

They surprised me with a cake, no not really, the staff did ; Kodak M35

Cherry Garden ; Kodak M35

Bus ride to school ; Kodak M35

Lae and Bidhya surprised me with a cake after class uwu ; Kodak M35

My birthday dinner, bought by Xuan ; Kodak M35

We ran for sunrise ; Kodak M35

HINA SAN ; Kodak M35

Very expensive lunch (light leak coz I accidentally opened the back before winding) ; Kodak M35

People and Places and Xuan (JB) ; Kodak M35

Me and a bottle ; Kodak M35

He eats bibimbap, I eat the side dishes ; Kodak M35

A t-shirt bought by Xuan ; Kodak M35

Life Photography

"I don't want to be known as Joe Greer, the guy who only photographs streets. Or Joe Greer, the guy who only does portraits..."

Joe is one of those photographers that I've looked up to since 2014 and this video is really beneficial. He talks about how photography has so many aspects, and that one shouldn't trap themselves in just one genre. He calls it "Life photography", because he's always documenting. Maybe it's street photos, maybe it's portraits, maybe vacation photos, even photos for clients. It's all in the form of documenting. And we shouldn't shut off other genres of photography just because we are comfortable in one genre.

I guess that's why I stopped doing purely portraits. I originally did portraits because it felt challenging to me, it was something I had never done before. And when I finally got better at it, I stuck with it because it was what I was comfortable with. It was what my "followers wanted to see". But at some point, it was no longer what I wanted to do. Don't get me wrong though, I still have very crazy ideas and concepts that I want to try from time to time and I have a model who's always willing to help me aka Michelle. But portraits alone did not bring me the satisfaction I wanted. Yet for the longest time, I kept my feed strictly portraits only in order to have some form of aesthetically pleasing feed for people to look upon.

But this year has been a change. I ventured into some food and product photography while helping Chug Chug do up their Instagram. I did some travel photography and street photography while I was in Melbourne with my family. I did some portraits again, with Megan and Xue Ning. And most recently, I picked up my film cameras again (Nikon FM2 and the Kodak M35 - a reusable "disposable" camera).

The idea for using the Kodak M35 is because it's a snap and go camera, making it perfect for fleeting moments where I don't want to be fumbling around with the settings. It's also small and light, making it easy to carry around with me everywhere. I've always wanted to carry a camera with me everywhere I go, so this is the perfect camera. Even if it's a tad costly to shoot film. Ideally I would want to be able to carry my DSLR with me everywhere I go so I can take street shots anywhere, but it's just not practical given how heavy it is.

But ultimately, like what Joe said, I have always wanted to do what he calls "life photography". To just document different aspects of life through my eyes. I don't want to be restricted to merely one genre of photography. I want to enjoy photography as it was always meant to be. To capture all sorts of things that is deemed beautiful in my eyes. From people, to places, to the mundane things, anything at all.

problem

I have this issue, and it's that I always get these ideas in my head, be it for stories or for photoshoots. But I can never bring myself to fully execute them. I write up one chapter and I get tired, so I stop writing. I think of wonderful ideas for shoots but with the excuse of lack of logistics, I dare not try to do the shoot. Maybe it's because of my lazy nature, or my lack of motivation. But I never ever set out to finish what I can imagine. And I always found it a shame, because my imagination is wild and I dare to imagine things that break all sorts of norms. But sadly, this is the problem I will always face.

vsco aesthetics // back to my roots

I have said it many times, but Instagram has become a place where every photographer is copying another, where everyone is jumping on trends, where everyone is too focused on the "perfect photo", and every photographer is too concerned with what everyone likes / wants to see. There was barely any photos or photographers that would inspire me there anymore. There was simply nothing creative, or aesthetically pleasing to me. Nothing weird. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just safe photos of cityscapes, and boring portraits. 

Of course, I was no exception to this. I found that my portraits were getting boring, and hence I stopped taking portraits for the most part. Just a different model, and a different backdrop, but the same posing and the same framing. Rinse and repeat. What even was I doing anymore? This was never the photography that I wanted. Sure, I did some really cool concepts. The all pink shoot with Michelle was amazing. The 'I hate u, I love u' concept I did with Nehe and Bev was also fairly interesting. My recent shoot with Megan at Hawpar Villa was also a little weird and retro. But apart from those, all of my other shoots were simply boring. 

And being deprived of inspirations made it harder to create. 

I found myself on VSCO editing some phone shots. I decided to take a scroll through VSCO's feed since it's been years since I last did that. And I was blown away. What really amazed me was that even after all these years, VSCO was still curating photos that they felt were aesthetically pleasing. These photos did not belong to any one genre or aesthetic. They varied from style to style. There were many weird concepts for portraits, there were photos of random objects on the floor, random aesthetics. For once in years, I was actually inspired. "This was what I've been searching so desperately for", I thought to myself. 

I'd always taken a weird approach with my photography when I first started. Photos of chairs, of brooms, of flower pots, of slabs of meat found on the floor. But Instagram changed me to conform to all these "perfect" shots. Because it was all that I saw, it narrowed my mind and perspectives so much. Being on VSCO widened my perspectives again, and I've been scrolling through the feed to find more and more inspiration. I don't think I'll be doing much portraits in future, to avoid boring photos, unless I have some weird concepts I want to try. But mostly, I want to get back to my old VSCO aesthetics, taking random photos of this and that. Capturing fleeting moments on both my phone and on my camera. It's hard to explain what this aesthetic is, but basically, I've decided to say screw what everyone thinks. What matters is that I like what I'm shooting. 

The High is Epik

When it comes to Korean music, I've always had a preference for their raps. And the one band who really shaped that preference of mine, was Epik High. I first got to know their music when they joined YG entertainment back in the day and released '99'. I was in love with mainly two songs from that album - 'New Beautiful' and 'Don't Hate Me'. 'New Beautiful' was an anthem for me at that point in time because I was struggling a lot with my self-image and that song really helped me in feeling better about myself. 

But it was their subsequent albums, 'Shoebox', 'We've Done Something Wonderful', and 'Sleepless in ___", which solidified me as a fan. 'We've Done Something Wonderful' in particular hit me in the feels real hard when I first heard it. The raps were mostly on the emotional side, and they inspired me to write even more. 

Throughout the years since I first discovered them, I knew I wanted to catch them live at least once. It was on my bucket list. But I knew it was near impossible, they only ever performed in Korea and America. Not once in 6 years did we ever hear news of them having the possibility of coming to Singapore to perform. That was, until this year. A few months back, a friend of mine shared with me a post by Tablo, announcing their concert in Singapore. So you can imagine how happy I was to hear it. 

I'll skip the unnecessary details, but long story short, on the day of my shoot with Megan, we both decided to go for the concert together. And Epik High was hands down the best performers I'd ever watched live. The energy, the interactions, the live rapping. They were simply the best. I never thought I'd get to hear Tablo's machine gun rapping in real life, and my ears were blessed. I enjoyed myself much more than I even imagined. 

Megan and I thought it'd be packed and because our queue numbers were in the 900s, we thought we wouldn't be near enough. But we were wrong. The audience was so chill, you wouldn't think they were here to watch a Korean concert. Most K-pop concerts are usually filled with screaming teenage girls who are pushing and shoving. But the audience this time was mature, and since there was a makeshift "bar" at the side selling drinks, a lot of them were actually hanging at the back with those drinks. No one was trying to squeeze to the front or anything. Just a bunch of few hundred people here to enjoy Epik High's performance. It was the most enjoyable concert I had ever attended, honestly. A lot of my favourite songs were sung, so you can imagine how happy I was. I was just a little bummed that they didn't sing a few more slow songs. 

But overall, it was the greatest concert ever. Thank you Epik High. It was worth burning a hole in my pockets for this. 

Evoking Nostalgia

When one mentions Hawpar Villa, it will almost certainly evoke some form of nostalgia among Singaporeans. Our parents thought it would be fun to bring us to this place when we were kids, which features rather abstract statues and sculptures of Chinese folklore. In fact, they often tricked us into thinking that it was an amusement park. Well, amusing for the parents indeed, when they see our frightened faces. Hawpar Villa is probably most known for its depiction of Hell. Inside their "Ten Courts of Hell", horrified children can take a look at which sins / crime would land them in which parts of Hell. While parents standing behind their kids would take the opportunity to tell them to behave, and be a good kid or they would end up in Hell. 

There is also a whole segment dedicated to "Journey to the West" and if you're a true Singaporean Chinese, then you know it's quite possibly the most famous Chinese folklore there is. Of course, most of the sculptures would seem as "scary" to most kids, and even some adults. But despite everything, and how our parents tricked us, this place still holds some form of nostalgia and memory to us. 

I revisited the place in 2017, many years after my first visit as a child and I saw the place with a new perspective. I was, and still am, very in love with @uuanjie's work and his earlier works featured Hawpar Villa. He managed to bring forth a sense of nostalgia through his style in those photos, despite the models being in fashionable clothes. It was through those photos which I realised that I was lacking in perspectives. But my photography wasn't what I hoped for back then, so the photos didn't exactly turn out the way I wanted them to.  

Fast forward to just last week, I went to Hawpar Villa again. This time with a very sweet friend of mine, Megan (@meggychiaaaa). I was also equipped with better editing, framing, and a piece of cling wrap. Right from the start, I wanted to do a very nostalgic / retro-ish shoot. So I got Megan to dress like she was from the 70s and she did not disappoint, since she loved retro too. The cling wrap was to act as a soft filter of sorts. It softens the image so much it gives the photo a film-like look, and when there is sunlight, the cling wrap gives it an additional glow. Bless Natalia (@natalianaa) for having gifted me this tip because it honestly gives me the kind of look I've been searching for for the past two years.

I did this shoot hoping it would evoke some form of nostalgia in all Singaporeans who looked at these photos. And also to connect myself with my childhood in a way. Many would call Hawpar Villa a "unique" choice to shoot in, and that not many would do so because it just doesn't seem "aesthetic" by most photographers. But I've always been a sucker for old things, and old locations. As long as I can make my photos look like they're from decades back, I'm sold. Hence, Hawpar Villa serves as the perfect location to me. Not many people would appreciate, but I hope a few of you do. 

exciting updates in my otherwise boring life

Updates:

Many of my friends know that I was applying for NIE to be a teacher, but not many know that because NIE is part of NTU, I applied for four other courses as well. First off, NIE rejected me. I can kinda understand why too. If they searched up my social medias, I'm pretty sure I'm not someone they want teaching their kids. My second choice was a degree in English, which I really hoped I would get into, but didn't as well. My third choice was psychology, just because I did it back in poly. And guess what, I got accepted into that. Of all things. I really have no idea how I'm gonna survive this because I lost a lot of my passion for psychology a while back, and a lot of my compassion for people while I was in army. 

To be very honest, I didn't think I was going to get accepted for any of the courses. My grades are average after all. And because I was waiting a long time for any sort of responses, I was already ready to sign full time at Chug Chug. I was offered a manager role with a really decent pay, so I honestly didn't mind. I enjoy working there after all. Sure, I complain a lot about being tired and about the long hours, but I complain about everything anyway. 

But speaking of Chug, I was recently granted the position of 'Social Media Manager' along with my fellow part-timer, Shannon. We got it much more easily than we expected. We simply asked Xinde if we could run Chug's Instagram, and he gave it to us. And it truly is fun to do something other than portraits. I've been so used to doing portraits, it has gotten boring. Food and products have been a challenge for me, considering I suck at them. And the occasional behind the scenes photos have brought back some memories from when I used to do photojournalism.

I've also decided to stop making my Instagram look professional. It isn't sparking much joy for me that way. I don't know what I wanna do with it as of now, but I'll take it one photo at a time. Maybe finally more photos of myself? Or maybe just nicer photos of food and sceneries and friends.

The Strawberry Girl // My Dream Shoot

What you are looking at and will continue to look at in this post is the fruit of our labour (pun fully intended). It started off with Michelle volunteering to do a shoot for me in a pink outfit and pink gloves, as inspired by @uuanjie. But the concept slowly evolved over two really productive planning sessions in the middle of the night, and we started including more and more things. We used reference photos from @kingvuddha, @jhfxxng, and @xenia.lau to further plan out this concept.

Obviously, this was a shoot that had to be done indoors. We came to this conclusion at the end of our first planning session. We had too many props we wanted to use. But we obviously don't have money to rent a studio, or an airbnb. Michelle is after all, only a student. Luckily for us, my boss allowed us to use the second floor of Chug Chug as our "studio" space.

We bought ourselves strawberries, dragonfruits, grapefruits, strawberry milk from Meiji (please sponsor us), a pink shower curtain from Daiso to act as our backdrop, heart shaped stickers from Daiso, and a huge pink cloth from Joo Chiat to be the tablecloth. We borrowed wine glasses from my bartender as well.

Now, I'm sure most of you reading this would know this, but I have no sense of aesthetics or DIY. You see, the original idea was to use the shower curtain as the table cloth and the cloth as the backdrop. But the cloth was way too heavy, so Michelle thought it would be a better idea to swap them around.

Our original idea was to draw red hearts on her cheeks, but we couldn't figure out what to use to draw without staining her cheeks, and we were lucky that Daiso sold such big heart stickers. Which was perfect for our shoot. Sticking it on her cheeks on the other hand, was tougher than I thought. Because these stickers weren't the thin kind that can bend to any shape they're pasted on. These ones had to be stuck delicately on her cheekbone and then pray that they don't drop off.

The shoot quickly evolved from posing with fruits and milk to "killing" them. I just went "Michelle, hold the knife and stab that dragonfruit". From there, the 'sweet but psycho' mood took over, with Michelle digging her fingers into the dragonfruit like she was murdering a heart. 

She was afraid of staining her fingers at first, so she wore the gloves to dig inside the meat of the dragonfruit. But after a few minutes, she felt ready to use her bare hands. The results were instantly ten fold better, you could really feel that "don't you dare cheat on me" vibe. The dragonfruit juice dripping down her hands made it all a bit more horrifically aesthetic. But it ultimately led to her saying "I hate you Sean, my hands are stained pink." And because she couldn't be the only one stained, she poked my face with her finger that was still dripping with dragonfruit juice. Thanks Michelle. 

Our all pink set-up got the attention of my boss, Xinde, when he came back to Chug for his own shoot. He was so amazed he came over to compliment it. And the best part? Dee Kosh saw our set up and actually wanted to borrow it for their shoot LIKE SIS. The both of us were so damn happy about it I swear. Getting noticed by such a huge Singapore public figure is definitely something to be proud of, and would be placed in my resume if it's allowed. 

Overall, I am just so proud, ecstatic, and obsessed with how the photos turned out. This was really a dream shoot for me. Pink backdrop, pink outfit, pink everything. I was kinda worried about lighting issues but the window light was more than enough to light up Michelle's face and the whole setup. While Michelle's concern was if a pink outfit would be too much with all that pink in the setup, but it turned out pretty amazing. So our worries were for nothing. I have never been so in love with my own photos, but this set is easily my favourite. I've always wanted to try shooting with a backdrop like this, with an elaborate setup, and they have all come true in one shoot. Huge thanks to my iconic strawberry girl for helping make this dream come true. (My only regret is that we didn't take any selfies with our setup SIGH)

Model: 
@michelle.emmanuelle

"Studio":
@chugchugsg

Photographer:
@dustyrobe aka me

Inspirations: 
@jhfxxng (main inspiration for the setup)
@kingvuddha (for his exceptional use of strawberries)
@xenia.lau (makeup idea)
@uuanjie (original inspiration regarding the pink gloves)